Alive

Chapter 30: I'm So Sorry

[[ "You & I" -by Washed Out ]]

"Oh my—Oh my God...No, Elena, Oh my God I'm so sorry..." Dean says as he quickly gets up, running to my side. He tries to touch me and I flinch, afraid that he may still be the Spectre.

This really upsets him, but how can I be sure it's him?  I back up slightly, the fear and worry still inside of me. "Elena..." He says with tears in his eyes, sadness completely taking over his entire demeanor. "Is it you?" I ask, still holding the sharp piece of wood tightly. He looks at my hand shakily holding onto the piece of wood, and then he looks into my eyes, "Babe, it's me. I promise you." He shakes his head slowly, a single tear rolls down his cheek. Blood rolls down his forehead from the wound he got earlier from Sam hitting him with glass. I look into his eyes, his eyes beg for forgiveness. "Dean...it's okay. It wasn't you, you were possessed by the Spectre. This isn't your fault, you couldn't help it." I say, moving closer to him. 

He slowly reaches his hand out and carefully moves a strand of hair out of my face.  "God, you're—you're so hurt.  I can't believe that I did this to you..."  He says as he looks at my beaten face.  "Elena...I—I can't take this back..."  He says as he begins to back away from me.  I slightly narrow my brows, confused by what exactly he's saying.  "What do you mean?  It wasn't your fault, it wasn't you."  I insist. 

It's okay, it really is.  Dean was possessed, he himself had nothing to do with it.  He couldn't control what the Spectre was doing with him. 

I have an idea about how he's going to deal with this and I have a feeling I'm not gonna like it. 

He stands up and looks down at me, tears still filling his guilt-ridden eyes.  "I did this to you.  I promised you I would never hurt you.  I promised I would always do everything in my power to protect you.  You shouldn't have to be afraid of me, ever.  How can you possibly feel safe with me at all if this could happen."  Dean says as his voice begins to break. 

He covers his eyes and shakes his head, turning away from me.  The tears return to my eyes as I listen to him.  He isn't right, he's actually so wrong.  I am safe with him.  I'm the safest with him.  This was just an accident, and it's always a risk that this could happen to any of us.  I know he has to know that.  I slowly get up from my corner and I walk over to him.  My whole body aches with pain but I quickly hide it from him.  "Dean..."  I say as I stand behind him.  He doesn't answer, he continues to look away from me.  "Dean, look at me."  I say as I grab his arm, pulling him toward me.  He finally turns around and looks at me with tears in his eyes.  "Elena, I-I can't.  I can't even look at you...I can't bare to see you like this knowing it was at the hands of me and—".  I interrupt him by softly planting a sweet and slow kiss onto his warm lips. 

Everything around us seems to stop for just that moment. He kisses me back softly, but then I pull away.  I whisper, "Dean, I love you.  Do you know that?  Do you have any idea how much I love you?  I promise you, it is okay.  You didn't do this.  It wasn't you and we both know that.  I understand the guilt you feel right now, but you have to let it go.  You have to let it go, Dean."  I look deeply into his painful eyes and he stares right back into mine. 

He lets all of his tears escape him and he begins to cry.  "I love you...so much." He whispers to me through his tears. I slowly nod, continuing to look into his eyes. "I'm okay I promise you. Everything is okay." I say to him, trying to convince him that it's all okay. Dean is stubborn, especially when it comes to me. It doesn't matter what I say to him, he is going to do whatever he thinks is best for me. He carefully wraps his arms around me and pulls me into a hug. I hug him back tightly, pain slightly shoots through my body but I don't react. "I'm so sorry..." He whispers to me while hugging me, his tears dropping into my shirt as he nuzzles his face into the crook of my neck. Tears run down my cheeks, and I whisper back. "It's okay, I promise you it's okay." My whispers are muffled because I'm resting my face in the crook of his neck as well. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly, beginning to cry. I don't want him to know I'm crying, I don't want him to see my pain. It'll just make him feel worse and I don't want him to think about it when it truly wasn't his fault.