How to Be Cliche (A Novel)

(5) Barking Disease

I've decided to put this story in the Watty Awards 2013! ! *throws confetti* Please support this chapter if you enjoyed!!! <33333333

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There's another thing that I can brag about myself: I was, and still am, a world class champion at staring contests.

Now, that's not something everyone can say. It's not exactly licking your elbow or wiggling your eyebrows or bending your legs around yourself and walking like your straight out of The Exorcist. But it's a pretty serious skill, if you ask me, with a lot of risks involved. Of course, there's the whole 'your eye gets really dry' thing. Word on the street is that there's actually a professional league for staring contests, where the contestant has people squirt eye drops into their eye while their eyes are open. I could be wrong, but that's a little excessive, and you didn't hear it from me.

And then there's the whole: 'Your eye is now exposed to the open and someone can stab it' thing, but lets not over think it, ok? I was just good at staring contests. Let's leave it at that.

How long could someone hold their eyes open anyways, you ask?

Well, I had already counted to 372 in my head and the scary, ruway model of a man in front of me hadn't even blinked once.

"If you're just going to stand there and stare at me like a loonatic, what was the point of locking me in this bathroom with you."

"I have a disease," he said.

"I see."

"It's very...rare, you could say."

"Right."

"A long-term disease," Sin added.

"Do you want me to start crying for you or something? I used to be able to cry on command. Ask Timmy Wilbert in fifth grade when he thought he could steal my Dunkaroo's every lunch. I don't think so, Timmy Wilbert. I don't think so."

"This disease makes me act a certain way," Sin continued, deep in thought.

"And..." I trailed, egging him on with my hands. "I have to get to class, BFF. I don't have time for General Hospital and 90210 drama dragging."

"It's slowly taking over my life. My parents don't want anything to do with it anymore. My dad is always on business trips these days and my mom is always working. Dad used to help me with it a lot. But now he's never around and I'm...it's getting a lot worse."

"As your best friend, I suggest you see a shrink and stop locking girls in the boys bathroom in order to express yourself."

Sin gave me a long look. "I'm not your friend."

I shook my finger at him. "No, no, no. We're definitely friends. I read it in a magazine. Once you go grope, you never go back. Just because you have Barking Disease, or whatever you wish to call it, doesn't mean we aren't friends."

"I'm not your friend just because you accidently grabbed my dick," he snapped, eyes growing dark.

My jaw slammed shut with his rapid mood change. Suddenly, I was imagining Alaska and Polar Bears, trying to get my mind off the fact that Gorgeous had a very...creative vocabulary.

"I'm sorry for being a bitch, I'm running on an empty tank here. I slept terribly last night. Please, tell me more about this "disease" of yours," I said, swinging my backpack off of my shoulder and setting it on the ground. "That must be why you locked me in the boys bathroom with you, right? To tell me something? Or do you expect more groping, Lassie?"

He didn't even flinch with laughter. I thought what I had said was pretty humorous, too.

"I'm not what you think I am," Sin said.