How to Be Cliche (A Novel)

(14) Fruit Loops

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Condoms.

"Condoms? No. I need a better opening that drags them in, not an abandoned Teen Mom episode title," I mumbled to myself, crossing out the first word in my notebook and completely regretting only having pens on hand. I stared at the How to Be Cliché article that crept out underneath the notebook and frowned. After tapping my pen on the scribbled on page, I ripped it off and decided to begin again.

Clichés, I started again on a fresh piece of notebook paper. We love them, we hate them. Mainly, we beat our society over the head with them with pale vampires (who obviously are playing for the other team), and handsome British exchange students with abs down to their toes. Let's not forget that sleek Harley Davidson conveniently between their legs. Alpha wolves who have searched since the dino years for their mate, and are accepted by the readers alike, even though the Alpha is thousands and thousands of years old, and...well, flirting with an immature teenager. Not to mention, these Alphas grow hair on their chest and back every full moon...

"SEX!" Sin Trinidad half-screamed, startling the class. Laughing lowly at our reaction, he then clasped his hands behind his back and crossing the classroom in slow, leisure strides as students covered their mouths and pretended to cough to hide their laughter. Most of the class -- which explained Sin Trinidad's random outburst that brought me to the brink of wetting myself -- was asleep and had been startled awake by his scream.

"Is ssssaaaaawwwweeeet!" a guy shouted in the back, making the girls in the class start to giggle like the little horny devils they were.

"But you wouldn't know from personal experience, would you?" Sin suddenly boomed in response, pointing a finger accusingly at the boy and raising a dark, sexy eyebrow. The room erupted in "Oooh's" as Tyler, who had been around the room periodically for misbehaving the past two weeks turned as red as a strawberry.

"I--I've had sex," Tyler stuttered.

"Yes, well. The computer kind and blow up doll kind doesn't really count in this case. Is this really what I have to do to get your attention, guys? Talk about sex and alcohol--?"

"Hey, you don't know a thing about my sex life, Mr. Trinidad," Tyler interrupted, trying to revive his ego as quickly as possible. "I'm quite the ladies man. Right, Ginger?"

The red head next to me popped her gum and rolled her eyes. "Please. You fell asleep on my foot while we were watching 13 Going on 30. It's shamefully your favorite movie of all time, as you reminded me many times that night. I wouldn't have even come over your house if your dad wasn't like, the creator of soda or whatever."

"Babe, I'm tired of you denying our love." Tyler stood to his full height, puffing out his chest a little and holding his hands out towards Ginger as if he was reeling in a fish. "You're a cheerleader. I'm captain of the football team. We're meant to be, my little sex muffin. Your pom poms belong in my end zone."

Everyone turned and stared at Tyler in disgust.

"I--I didn't mean that. Oh, god, I really didn't mean that!"

Ginger scoffed.

Ronny wolf whistled at Tyler with two fingers. "I heard you like to stick things in your end zone, baby."

The classroom roared in laughter.

What Ronny had said was funny alright, but I wouldn't let Sin Trinidad see me crack a smile. So I just stared at my teacher as he stared back at me with the same dull expression. He was my Arch Nemesis after all. I would show no fear, happiness, or weakness in his presence.