How to Be Cliche (A Novel)

(17) Bedazzle This, Betch!

Please help support my story in the Watty Awards and VOMMENT! I got some tough competition, and voting and leaving feedback will help me become a finalist! *coaching voice* WE CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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It was eight hours after the murder at Mortimer High School and I was sitting cross legged on my bedroom floor with Gary and Ronny, starring at the freshly posted article on our school website.

                  Cheerleader Found Staked -- Written by Marcus Bell, President of the  Mortimer Newspaper, it read, with a huge blow up picture of Ginger's Senior photo on the right of the article as well as the three deceased janitors that had been found outside the school.

                  I quickly skimmed through the article, stopping my finger at a certain point. The head cheerleading coach at Mortimer High School and many of Ginger Sparrow's fellow students and friends are planning on attending her funeral on Saturday.

                  When asked about Ginger, coach Farleigh said, "Our town grieves the loss of the school janitors Tom Broomstick, Nicholas Trashcan, and Morgan Mophead, but I and the rest of the Mortimer Cheer Squad mourn the loss of someone who was a very unique and talented young lady...Ginger Sparrow. Even if she did come drunk to practice with no clothes on that one time...."

                  Many of Ginger's classmates also had very good things to say about Ginger when asked about her impact on their lives.

                  "She was a thriving bitch who called me Megga Fatass for six years straight," Megan J. said. "I went to fat camp because of her. Do you have any idea how unbelievably infuriating fat camp is? We used to do this "sharing time" thing at the end of each  day where everyone would share their feelings. One kid would not stop talking about the stash of twinkies that he used to store under his bed, before his cat somehow broke into the safe and ate all of them and he had a mental breakdown. Then he proceeded to reenact it. Torture, absolute torture. The first day of camp my legs fell off. Literally. These are fake legs. That's from doing squats at fat camp, Ginger. Rest in peace, bitch."

                  "When her mouth was shut she was honestly the nicest person," her boyfriend, Tyler said. "We always had this thing... She never actually called me her boyfriend. Such a flirt, that one. I'm going to miss her. I'll always think of her before I go to bed-- I mean-- she'll always be in my heart. Uh, she has a sister, right?"

                  "Ginger Sparrow. Let me tell you a little something about Ginger Sparrow. She strangled my dog Pebbles and threw him into the pool because he sniffed her stupid rat dog's butt," Ashley C. said. "After many cycles of CPR and intense dog swimming classes, Pebbles is now the first dog to swim across the entire Pacific Ocean and back. So... I guess she kind of impacted my life?"

                  "Dude, she was so hot," another one of her classmates stated. "Last year, I threw a party by the river... and damn... that bathing suit she wore. That was something. What sucks is that I heard she was a natural red head. Hopefully her soul-- if she has one--like, goes to Heaven or whatever. You know?"

                  "The heartless tramp deserved exactly what she got. Death. Vampires make me sick, sucking the life out of others until they want to be vampires themselves. But what really bothers me is sl*ts like Ginger that illegally attend blood fest parties and mix human blood straight from the source and alcohol together. One particular party comes to mind when I think of Ginger Sparrow. Innocent people got killed and were left to die because people like her were to drunk and hungry to realize when to stop partying and help a person not moving on the ground. She deserved to die. He didn't. And you know what? I enjoyed every second of executing that bitch, and I'll enjoy killing anyone else who was there... The janitors. They were all drug dealers, they were at the party. They saw what happened and they didn't do anything because they were too damn high. When he died, they didn't help him," an anonymous student said and a hood covering his identity. "I mean... rest in peace, Ginger. Her family will be in my prayers."