How to Be Cliche (A Novel)

(29) Killer Looks

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Behind a dying, wiry shrub, I stared up at an abandoned warehouse that looked straight out of a scary movie. I moved quickly towards the warehouse, eating up the distance with my legs and moving silently through the night. Once I reached one of the side windows of the building, I used my upper body strength to hoist myself up onto the ledge of a window, beginning my free climb up onto the roof. Once I made it to the roof, I perched myself on the ledge of the building, moved my night vision "sunglasses" up onto my head, held my watch out, pressed a button, and watched the display as I moved my wrist horizontally in front of me, searching the roof for any security cameras with a highly advanced technological detecting device built inside of it.

                  There weren't any cameras on the roof. Strange. The other "hideouts" had at least had abandoned security cameras.

                  I heard the low growl of a dog.

                  Lowering my night vision glasses, my breaths tightened in my chest and my thighs started trembling on the ledge as a dark shadow of an animal started viciously towards me. Subconsciously, I adjusted my dark hood further over my face and then reached my hands over my shoulder, touching the crossed katana blades strapped firmly to my back.

                  Once I knew all of my weapons were in place, I slowly unwrapped a single yellow Twinkie and threw it towards the K9. The dog caught it in its mouth, whining happily, and scurried off to the opposite side of the building.

                  Maybe it wasn't so abandoned after all.

                  "This should prove to be interesting," I said.

                  "I CAME IN LIKE A WREEEEEEEEECKING BAAAAAALL!!!!"

                  Suppressing a scream of agony, I ripped the ear piece out of my ear and almost lost my balance on the ledge of the roof. Peggo, one of Vlad's bulky bodyguards, had left his mic in front of the radio and it was loud. My ears were painfully ringing. Once I had regained my full hearing, I angrily put the spy equipment back into my ear and whipped my head over my shoulder. Down below, right in front of the warehouse in plain sght, there was a single, old white van that sat a few paces in front of me that had the spray painted words "Pervert", "Sex", and "Peanut Sucker" on the side. I hadn't noticed that on our way there.

                  How nice.

                  I pressed my fingers against my piece, activating it."What the freaking hell, Peggo?! Get your mic away from the car radio and park that piece of crap van behind a tree or something!" I half-whispered. "You're going to give us away!"

                  "Boss wanted a better look inside," Peggo said through the piece.

                  "Then tell him to knock on the front garage and maybe Smiley will let him in for a cup of tea!" I hissed, deactivating the device and watching my breath come out of my mouth in icy puffs. I then hopped off of the ledge and sprinted towards a door on the roof, pressing another button on my watch and burning a circle around the doors' lock with a tiny blue laser beam.

                  Saying that I was simply "frustrated" would be a lie.

                  You could be touching pierced nipples right now instead of freezing your little butt off, but nooooooooo, Conscious reminded me bitterly. Maybe I could prove her wrong. Was this hideout finally it? This was just one of the dozens of hideouts Vladimir had planned for me to search over the past three days. There hadn't been any sort of remains of a cold blooded killer in any of the hideouts.