I've come to the realization that I am not what I thought I was. Or in fact what I thought I could've been.
Sitting in the 5 o clock sun on the beach may be doing the trick because I've found a way to convince myself of everything I want to believe.
I feel a presence sit next to me on the rock. Looking up, I realize it's Reece. I don't mind. It's not like I want to be alone.
"People only space like this when they have a lot on their mind." He says. I nod, staring blindly at the open ocean ahead of us.
"yeah, well ... I do." I assure him. Everyone kind of knows something's up with me. I'm usually the man with the master plan. Meaning I'm like a trouble maker.
let's go on top of that roof
who can break into that house
go steal a bag of chips from the bodega
jump in the water half naked
come to the club and take 50 shots
I just can't find myself being that person right now. I'm not going to mope because there's nothing to be sad about. I just have this one thing roaming my mind and I can't avoid it. I don't even think I want to.
"well, The guys and I are going food shopping. want anything?" I shake my head no and continue to watch the waves as he stands and pats sand from his jeans.
"Nash is up on the top floor, painting I think. It's pretty cool." Just like me, the guys know of Nash's little drawing profession. They love it just as I do.
"fuck, it better be. he nearly blinded himself the other day," He laughs at my words and dismisses himself.
I have the temptation to peek at Nash. It's not like I didn't see most of what he was doing. I get up and decide to bother Nash. When I get to the house Nash isn't up stairs at all, is in the bathroom messing with his hair.
"looks good." I remind him. His hair barely grew from the time we'd gotten hair cuts. He smiles at me, putting down the comb in his hand then turns to me, leaning on the sink.
"I know," He chuckles. Laughing, I stand opposite him on the wall. Our laughter dies down and it's just me looking at my shoes, while Nash pops his gum and tries to maintain my gaze.
"Why aren't you painting?" I ask him.
"I finished." Nash smiles all bright and high. He looks absolutely accomplished.
"can I see?"
"yeah, soon." He says. He steps up to me and kind of hold my hands. He intertwines our fingers and swings our arms together. "but I have something to tell you."
That sentence makes anyone nervous. I start to get a little scared. thoughts of him wanting to leave coming to mind. I don't like it much but if that's what he wants I have to respect it.
"And until I find a way to tell you... you can't see." I realize it's probably nothing I'm thinking of when he ends his sentence with a smug smirk. I smile reluctantly at his words.
"Hm..." I ponder for a moment. "must be important."
Nash snickers, pretty loudly, if you ask me. He laughs so hard he leans his head on my shoulder. I look through the mirror and see Delano and jack glancing through the door.
"Leave!" Nash says, trying to sound stern but it's masked with his laughter. I laugh and shut the door. As I do so, I see jack and Delano running out and giggling a bunch. Nash closes the door and draws me back in.
"We're partying tonight." He says and my insides smile. I haven't gone out in a while and I'm eager to go. "wanna come?"
"Duh," I move pass him and into the mirror. "We're gonna fuck shit up" I laugh.
