we got to the beach about two hours ago and it's 3pm now and the guys haven't rested yet. Nash and I are on rocks that face the ocean while the rest of the guys are mostly in the water. I don't have a shirt on because I was wet before and Nash is sitting next to me with a light sweater on.
"Have you ever felt yourself change?" He says after a moment of silence. I look at him, nearly blinded by the sun. He continues to stare out. I want him to continue because I don't really know what to say.
"Like...you slowly feel yourself become someone else?" He looks at me finally, jaw clenching over and over due to his gum.
I think about what he says and remember my current dilemma. My situation with Nash. I don't know if it's me turning into another person or if it's just one aspect of me turning into something different. Or something new.
"I...I think I do know what you mean. You start to feel new things, and have strange thoughts. Thoughts you've never had before." I began. Starting to think about it, I almost stop talking so generally but I think before I speak.
"You don't know if it's good or bad. Or if people notice..." Trailing off I look towards the guys in the water. Talking this way makes me want to stop talking all together. I don't want to slip up and use 'you' in the wrong term or say 'I' by accident.
I don't want to reveal too much because he might repulse me. I can't have that.
"Sometimes..." My voice loses volume and I feel a little vulnerable. Like I'm giving too much of myself to him. It's not like I wouldn't mind doing that anyways but it seems like I'm giving him a secret. A secret he doesn't know is mine.
"You want to let people know, you know? Like, hey, is this normal? Should I feel this way? Should I do something about it?"
I can feel him staring at me so I look at him. He looks lost and completely intrigued by my words. As if he wants me to say more and he probably does but he's not getting it right now.
"Are you in my head?" He asks curiously and I chuckle, looking away. Nash laughs before tugging my chin in his direction.
"I'm serious." He speaks, eyes highlighted in such an enchanting way by the sun. I realize that I have nothing to fear when it comes to this boy. If he were to ever do me wrong I don't think I'd ever be able to trust another person.
"Tell me what's on your mind, and I'll tell you what's on mine."
And the air seems to get so much thinner when he comes closer to me. It almost overwhelms me and I get nervous. A beach ball is thrown our way and I catch it. The guys laugh from the water with amused looks.
"Wanna play?" I challenge Nash. He laughs and grabs it from me.
