Nash and i have gone shopping again and in all honesty i'm quite relieved. Being with the boys all day long is fun but i can't stop wishing they'd leave already. I love them all dearly and i wouldn't give up their company or friendship for the world but i think i'd be nice to be alone with nash once again.
He's been really quiet for a while. Like he's been biting his tongue and I have no clue why. It's scary not knowing what he's thinking but i don't want to overstep my boundaries with him.
For all i know he could be thinking about his sister and i don't want to bring it up by asking. He turns his head towards me and smiles lightly.
"i'm ok." He chuckles as if he's reading my mind. I roll my eyes at him because he knows me so well. i don't know what he's thinking but he knows what i'm thinking. But it's not too surprising. Nash is mysterious like that.
"You sure about that?" He nods. "Why so quiet then?" I shift my gaze to the floor before asking. We find seats liking over a balcony, giving sight of the outside stores and parking parking lot.
"i was just thinking about stuff. My brother. My parents." He says between chews of his winterfresh gum. I nod in understanding, looking out at the sky above us. "You." My head turns towards him only to see him glance up at me through his long lashes then back down at the table. An undeniable blush his making way to his wide mouthed grin and he knows he's just embarrassed himself.
I perk up at his choice of words. "What about me?" I mutter shyly but i never break contact, although he hadn't looked at me yet.
"Who you are." My brows knit together and i turn away from him and back towards the sky. I'm not too sure what that means. He makes it seem as if i'm some mystical creature and keeping it a secret... I'm not.
Either way, that's a topic even i like to avoid because it stresses me out. I rack my brain with thoughts and ideals when it come to me thinking about who i really am. More importantly my sexuality. How could he be thinking about this when i can hardly stomach it?
"i don't mean to alarm you, Cameron." His voice is smooth as silk when he says it but it doesn't take the edge off. Getting up out of my seat, I collect my bags.
"we should start heading back." And at the sound of my voice he follows my direction and we make our way back home.
The car is terribly awkward and suffocating but i didn't truly care. i'm in my own head. he continues driving down the road to home and i switch my gaze from the scenery outside the window to his beautiful features.
"i didn't have to question who i was before i came here." I tell him. Nash looks over at me slightly surprised that i've even uttered a word. He turns back to the road but i know he's listening. "but who ever i am becoming... im seemingly okay with. It's just stressful and it's such a foreign feeling. I'm ..."
I search my brain for the word i need but i never find it and we are soon to be put into another prolonged silence because of this. He notices this and he perks up sparing a quick glance at me.
"overwhelmed." He licks his lips and grabs my hand. The feel of being so close to him nourishes me. It makes me feel whole. I love it. "It's okay. it doesn't last forever. Trust me."
And oddly enough i do because even though he's not 100% sure what the hell I'm going on about, he knows what to say to calm me down. and now all i can do as we drive through the streets in the 3 o clock sun, looking up at his flawless face is think what it must be like to have you.
