What am I doing? What am I doing? Okay stop! Just walk back to the bus. Fuck!
There were a million things going through Zoeys mind as she walked to Garretts’ bus. It was a little after five and she hadn’t been able to go back to sleep after he had left her. She walked to the back of the bus and tapped on the rear window, which as she knew, was where Garretts’ bunk was. The door opened. It was almost dawn and the sun was beginning to rise, sending streaks of golden light across the sky. They highlighted Garretts’ hair perfectly. Every single cell in her body was on fire, they wanted him. She wanted him. She needed him. She needed him now.
And he knew it.
Zoey opened her eyes to an empty bus. She took a deep breath and tried to shake off the sleepiness. She felt warm, she felt content and she felt happy. But not just happy, a kind of happy that she couldn’t possibly explain. The feeling that what had happened was meant to happen. It was right. She blinked up at the light that was flooding the bus. The sun had risen and it cast a glow on everything in sight. She felt Garretts’ warm breath on the back of her bare shoulder and smiled. Gently lifting his arm off from across her and placing it on the carpet she slowly got up and looked for her clothes. Hastily putting on her hoodie and jeans she slipped out of the bus and hoped to God that no one saw her.
Opening the door as softly as she could, she climbed up the stairs to find Caleb passed out on the couch. He had got in at six in the morning and was too exhausted to notice that Zoey was missing. She breathed a sigh of relief and went back outside.
Even if it was still early many of the crew were getting up and had already begun work. Walking to the furthest corner of the lot and trying to calm her thoughts she took a few deep breathes and closed her eyes.
Last night was... it was amazing. Thinking about It made her smile. If she was worried about her and Garrett before, she wasn’t anymore. Everything that had needed to be said was shown last night. It was completely honest and all her fears and doubts were completely gone. But the knots in her stomach weren’t completely gone. She sighed and started walking back and for the rest of the day there was only one thing that worried her.
Caleb.
Garrett lay there, staring up at the ceiling and thought about what had happened. Remembering it made him smile. Rachel had never made him feel like this. He took a deep breath, wrapped the blanket across his waist and got up. After that he avoided Zoey because he knew she would be avoiding him. And for good reason. She needed time to figure things out with Caleb and he understood that.
For the rest of the day and the three days after that Zoey avoided Garrett like the plague. She didn’t regret what had happened, but she regretted not telling Caleb sooner, thereby leading him AND Garrett on. Tomorrow was Caleb last night on the tour, they would be going home and it was expected that Zoey was leaving with him. Procrastinating until the very last minute Zoey focused all her attention on her work and refused to deal with Caleb until she couldn’t wait any longer.
“Hey babe” Caleb said and leaned forward to kiss her “Shouldn’t you be packing?”
“Hey” she forced a smile “uh, yeah I’ll get to it”
Okay just do it. Just say it.
“Oh, we go on in 10, I’ll see you tonight”
Fuck
Again, she focused on her work instead of on Caleb. She only had a few hours left and he knew she was acting different. If she avoided him any longer, he would confront her himself. And that’s not how Zoey wanted them to end.
After wandering around and asking everyone she could find if they knew where Caleb was she finally found him in the park opposite the lot.
“What are you doing here?” she asked as she sat next to him on the swing.
He didn’t answer. He had his guitar with him, strapped on.
“Caleb?” she asked again
“I want you to listen to something. I wrote it.” He said as he started plucking the strings “…for you”
Zoeys stomach lurched, feeling like she couldn’t possibly feel any worse about everything she started to talk but Calebs clear voice interrupted her.
I get your point,
We're better friends than lovers,
I get it, I got it, I guess that we're moving on,
And if I had a chance, I'd do it all over
Zoey didn’t know what to think or do. More than anything, she regretted leading Caleb on. Whether she had done it unintentionally didn’t mean she had hurt him any less
You got in my heart, you got in my head,
and I believed everything that you said,
We're at a crossroad
And I guess that we're moving on
He slowed down and she could barely hear the guitar. His voice was loud and clear and said everything he was feeling
No matter what you do,
I'll still feel the same about you,
We're at a cross road,
Maybe we should go on our separate ways,
He put the guitar down and looked Zoey straight in the eye. Words couldn’t express how pained she felt. But he smiled and spoke the last two lines
But no matter what you do,
I'll still feel the same about you
The silence engulfed the two of them as Zoey sat there speechless. Tears sprang in to her eyes as she finally understood how much Caleb had felt for her and how bad she had hurt him
“I’m so sorry” she barely whispered.
He surprised her by smiling. A knot formed in her throat.
“Don’t be” he finally said “I’ve seen you and Garrett together. He makes you happy. You shouldn’t feel sorry for choosing love over forced happiness”
“I really did like you” she said looking away from him
“I know you did” he said smiling “But you love him”
With that he lifted his guitar and got up. Turning to study her one last time he bent down to kiss her on the cheek, but before he pulled away he said something that made Zoey realize just how amazing Caleb was and how even though they didn’t necessarily work out, he was still one of the most wonderful people she had ever met
“You’re still one of the most beautiful people I know. Don’t ever change and don’t ever let him go”
As she watched Calebs bus leave the lot she felt a familiar presence beside her. Slipping his hand into hers she murmured “Thanks”
Turning her to face him he pulled her close so that their hips met. Kissing her he said “I love you”
He had never said that to her. He hadn’t even said it out loud. But she needed to know because now more than ever before in his life, he meant it.
