Broken Crayons Still Color [Rated SPG]

Chapter 3

Diary entry 3: Jackson

He's definitely cutting.

The blood on his sleeve, the way he tugs his arm away from anyone he comes in contact with, the fact that even in this blood-curdling heat he still wears a sweater.

Mark, right now, is more important than anyone or anything in my life.

I will dedicate myself to helping him. I will make that my goal.

I hate hearing the things he calls himself. I hate it.

- Jackson

Jackson rolled around under his blue duvet that night, unable to fall asleep, staring at an account for people with eating disorders on his Instagram.. He couldn't take his mind off of Mark.

For some reason, whenever Jackson caught himself worrying about something other than Mark he felt guilty, he felt like he didn't deserve the chance to drift off into a land of desire that sleep would always grant Jackson. He felt like he was betraying him.

He knew it was dumb. But he also knew that if he was silent for much longer about Mark's obvious disorder then things would get even worse. All of this aside, the one thought that repeatedly played in his head seemed to haunt him.

What if he hates me for being nosy?

Its not being nosy... right? Its just caring.

Mark would take it as being nosy. Keep your head down.

Jackson would always succumb to the voice in his head, and he had always been that way. He put his phone onto his nightstand, turning off his screen.

As Jackson lay awake, peeking through the blinds next to his bed at the stars, a thought struck him.

He re-opened his Instagram and looked at the pro-ana account.

The account was run by a twenty-year old boy called Mark. Jackson's mind wandered to the boy lying on the mattress beneath him. His heart beat faster, worriedly.

It's a common age. Everyone is twenty, once. And Mark is a common name. Calm down.

Jackson inhaled a sharp breath before trying to relax, but noticed that someone had left a comment on this photo, and it read:

"How is JYP? Let us know, we're always here if you want to come back out of training."

At this, Jackson was almost certain that this was Mark's account. A twenty-year-old JYP trainee called Mark.

Mark was twenty, he was also a JYP trainee.

Jackson panicked. Yes, he knew Mark had a disorder. But to know that all of the things on his Instagram were encouraging himself and others, with obviously impossible standards, he couldn't help but want to investigate more.

The next response to that was from Mark, who replied:

"Its good here, the diet is really low, like 700 calories a day. More than I normally eat so I just don't finish everything and try not to eat breakfast at all. My roommate is really sweet, though I think he'll start working things out soon, he's not dumb. He's really short and thin, something I'm jealous of since we're about the same height. He makes me smile. He's so kind to me. I don't know why but I feel like I can open up to him, you know?"

"That's great! Glad you feel more comfortable with your band than you initially thought you'd be. And yeah, you're lucky - people like that don't come around often. Glad that you're doing alright, and talk to you soon! x"