Changed (complete)

Pain (chapter one)

The pain was so intense I felt like throwing up. It’s like nothing I could explain properly, the best I could say it was even close to is be sliced with frozen rusted blunt daggers. I knew I would be lucky to escape this pain for one night. Every night I went to bed praying that tonight he would just give it a rest.  This stupid connection caused me to feel this pain. No this connection was the only way I knew I was part of a pack. He causes me this pain. Stupid egotistical sadistic asshole that Sampson is. It’s not like my life is not hard enough without suffering this every night. Praying to a useless God with tears streaking down my face, if he could not make my mate love me then just let me die.  Time and time again I ponder why which ever deity runs this life would punish me so. What did I do to deserve to have one that was supposed to love me unconditionally hurt me every night and every day.  Sometimes late at night when I get to have my bath after all the hot water has run out I sit and think what it would be like to break my razor and be done with this life, it’s not like it would even hurt Sampson. Sampson my mate is also the beta of the rising hunters moon pack.  Tall and lean he was an abnormality himself in the pack house filled with muscularly defined hormone raging teen males.  As it is my life is hard enough with-out having a stupid mate that looks like a Greek god with amazing jade eyes? Unlike all those girls I heard of from other packs that got with their mates after being rejected it was never going to happen to a freak like me. They were alphas with strong instincts because they had to mate to fully become an alpha a beta could go with-out. 

 My life is hard because my marking is constantly changing so everyone in the pack has shunned me think that I am a freak. I mean I am. The healers can’t seem to figure out why my marking is constantly changing. The only thing that stays the same is the name written under my marking. Across my left hip was the packs Beta’s name.  Stupid Beta, all I ever wanted was friends but I am the pack outcast somewhat so that never happened they only ever spoke to me to taunt me and tease me.  As my mate beta Sampson was supposed to love me no matter what. Not that that ever worked. It was like he had already refused me without say so. Allowing me to suffer every time he felt the urge. It only got worse as he followed through having sex with the sluts.

I understand why he does it though, they are so confident. So pretty in an odd way despite that they were trashy they had this aura around them that called to all unmated males. How was a frumpy eighteen year old supposed to compete with women more sexually experienced, confident and just plain better looking than me?  I need to get out of my room.  I need to try and get my wolf out because I can feel her pain and anguish. Whilst I cry, she screams. She needs out not that I know how. Unlike the rest of the pack I did not get the training, I did not get taught how to let her out to run because the previous Alpha figured why train a misfit and my parents agreed.  I hate my life. I need out. I can’t go out the window because I would set off the alarm. So how the hell I am going to get out of here I have no idea. F@*k it, I will wait down stairs for the alpha to exit or one of the pack that’s out to enter and I will slip out. I had the habit of being insanely fast but also hard to detect in my human form. I suppose because no one is looking for me.

 Alpha Levi and Beta Sampson meet up at the top of the staircase. I could hear both of distinct footfall patterns. I slowed my breath down til it was one breathe per minute. I know I am odd but hey I am a screw up of genetics.  A wolf who can’t shift, I had to learn to do other things from these books I found in my attic while all my peers where training. They did not really bother to be quite but who the hell cares right they run the show we all bow to them it’s not like the rest of us matter. I don’t bother trying to hear what they are saying though. I am not really a part of the pack so why listen to pack business and I really don’t need to hear about the conquests. I hide in the shadows but move close enough to see the code for the alarm and the Alpha and Beta leave. I could still smell him, my heart clenched hard and my wolf was howling in pain it almost sounded like she was dying I could not stand to hear that or to feel her pain anymore I needed out . I ran to the front door opening it at the same time as the Alpha opened the back door and closed it.

Wow I was faster than I thought to make it to the front door before the Alpha punched the code on the other side to lock up. Time to run. As I ran I turned my mind off and felt the freezing air on my bare legs and mid-drift was a mazing it reminded me that I was alive. That I was created in to be me by a high power to be so in tune with nature. I know that despite the pain I received from living I could never bring myself to hurt myself not when I could feel the biting pain of the icicles in the air and looking to the night sky seeing the mountain ranges meeting the sky filled with thousands of bright lights. It was a miracle to be so unfreaking believably happy, I did not believe I could ever feel like this until I went for my first run when I was twelve.