Walking On Broken Glass

Chapter Five

------------------------------------------> David!

As I sat with Mike on the bus, I tried to find the words. I needed to get the words right so I didn't sound like a moron. I wanted to make sure I wasn't insane.

"You ok?" Mike looked worried.
"I don't know what I'm feeling or thinking. It's complicated." I felt like a little kid.
"Is this about Josh?" He gave a small laugh.
"Maybe. I have no idea what to do. I think I want to be with him, but I had no idea. It's hard to articulate what's going on. I keep thinking about him about and it's hard. I want sort my life out, but being around him make things better. I don't feel so scared. I don't feel alone." I felt odd spilling everything to Mike, he had a small smile on his face as I spoke.
"This is kind of funny. I'm not meaning you wanting Josh. It's just the situation. I saw it coming. How does Pierre feel about this?" Mike's tone told me he knew what the answer.
"He doesn't know. I have no idea how to talk to him about it or the guys. They see me as a little kid." I groaned.
"So you came to me? I don't know if I should be honored or fear for my life." He laughed.
"I want to figure this shit out. I had lunch with Randa and she brought it up. Now I can't get or keep him off my mind. It's strange. I've never been like this." I started to play with my nails, waiting for Mike to speak.
"Explain this to me. How is it Josh makes friends with a rather beautiful girl and they want him. It's mind boggling." He chuckled.
"It's not like I planned it. When I sleep I dream of him, I sleep better with him around. He's normally up when I can't sleep and I can talk to him. I don't feel awkward with him. I feel like I matter to him." I groaned as I rubbed my face with my hands.
"You're falling for Josh." Mike sounded shock.
"You see my problem." I sighed as I looked into his brown eyes.
"Tay.....you need to think long and hard about this. Josh has......issues. He is a huge child, but he loves his family and friends. He'd do anything to keep someone he cared about safe. Think about this before you make a move. He won't wear his heart on his sleeve, but when he loves someone he's there no matter what." Mike sounded like he wanted this, he wanted me with Josh. He wanted Josh and I work.
"Thanks Mike." I smiled as I got up, he followed my lead and hugged me we got off the bus.
"Think on it then come talk to me. I won't tell anyone." He smiled as I headed to the other bus. Ivy needed to go for a run and so did I.

After I got changed and got Ivy ready; I headed out. I left a note for Pierre before I left to make sure he knew I was ok.

I ran for about 6 miles. As I ran back into the parking lot I saw Josh. My heart fluttered until I saw him with some woman. I felt a lump in my throat and went to the bus. I needed to shower. I needed to clear my head. I wanted to cry at the thought of Josh with someone else. It was gut wrenching to think of Josh with some slutty looking whore.

I made sure I looked decent as I headed to the show. I wanted to see the guys play. I had my badge on as I headed in, smiling a few people. I found a place to watch the show and smiled. I was in the lounge area and had an amazing view.

As Marianas Trench played, I tried hard not to look at Josh. I had to not think of him. He was with someone. He had a girlfriend. I was just some lead singer's cousin. I didn't matter. I was just someone he talked to when he was bored. I was just a passing fancy. That was about to end. I wasn't going to be some groupie for anyone.

When Simple Plan came on I cheered and sang along. I felt like one of the screaming girls who begged them to marry them. I laughed at them. It amused me. All the girls crying over them and praying to be noticed. It was funny.

I left during the encore the guys did. I was walking to the bus when I saw one of the roadies. He had been with the tour since the start. I hadn't noticed him before, I just figured my anger at Josh brought the roadie into my line of sight. I took a deep breath and went over to him.