30 Day Letter Challenge

Day Four: Sibling.

Dear Di,

You know me and I know you, we don't do emotional and I'm not gonna do emotional just for the sake of Wattpad. Right now as I'm writing this, I'm up in my room while you're down in the computer room either reading your manga or playing League of Legends with your friends. I would go downstairs to poke you or bug you like I always do but as you can see from this letter, I'm busy. Well, as busy as can be, I guess. Also, you're probably never gonna read this since you won't even read my books so whatever, I'll work from the shadows because who knows? Maybe one day you'll chance upon this.

We don't have real talk a lot, it's usually just me badgering you until you either (a) snap at me and push me/shout at me which gets me scolded or (b) my annoying you makes you laugh and we talk a little bit. Either way, it's always been fine by me because I know you and I know you're always gonna do one of those. You're a boy of logic and patterns unlike my abstract and aloof self, you find something that has been proven to work and stick to it while I do batshit crazy things all the time.

We've always been different sides of a coin, I'm not even entirely sure we're different sides of the same coin because of the vastness in our personalities and characteristics. You play computer games, I write books. You read manga, I read comics. You read light novels, I read novels period. I eat rice, you eat noodles. I take selfies, you hate selfies. I'm English, you're math. And the long list goes on and on. But you know what? Even though you fook up every time ma get's angry (you're still supposed to take out the trash even when she shouts at you that she'll do it herself, dummy) and even though you don't know what you're doing with your life and even though you don't know how to write your practice college essay and even though you don't like talking to people, I know that you're one of the most honest people out here and out there.

In fact, you're too god damn honest. For god's sake, loosen up hahah.. I know, I know. I make your life a living hell all the time, be it directly or indirectly. We've always been in the same kindergarten, primary school, secondary school, and high school which might seem cool to some but it's always been hard for you. More often than not, we always get the same teachers and then you get compared to me all the time. I know why you didn't do your homework when you were younger, you saw that I didn't do it and I got away scot free plus everyone looked up to me so you tried it out too. But instead, you didn't get out scot free like I did and you were always wrong, even when you were right. Everyone always thought of me as the better brother in general even when I wasn't, somehow everyone always thought that I was the better at everything even when it was clear that I just cut corners but I need you to know that I'm not the better brother, you are. 

I always cut corners, I see them way ahead of everyone else and I just slip in and get out the other end before anyone even notices I was gone and then people compare my 'success' to yours and somehow, mine looks more relevant than yours. You've always been in my shadow, I know it, you know it too, no one else does but the both of us. Now look at us, I'm turning 17 and leaving soon and you're 16 and needing to find your own path soon. But I see that you don't have anything to worry about. Mum and dad always scold you for not having your shit together- I don't either but I cut corners and make it seem like I do- when in reality, you're far from not having your life together.

They always scold you when you're playing your games with your friends. But I know, your classmates sometimes text me saying that you're so smart without even having to try and I get so proud. I'm sorry I don't tell mum and dad the things they tell me, but I don't see the need to. You're going to prove it to them yourself someday soon, I know it, I can feel it. As you know, I'm leaving soon, I know for a fact that you don't really care either way but I do, you can finally move out of my shadow and be yourself. Way I see it, you being behind me in my shadow only made my shadow look better and larger than it actually is. Now that I'll be out of the way, you can shine and show everyone that silent voice of yours. 

Remember that day in the book shop where you followed me around the whole time and freaked out because you really didn't know what to do with your life anymore? When you kept Googling for the types of jobs out there and kept telling me that you weren't good at anything? Well kid, don't worry, you're underestimating yourself too much. From what I've heard ever since I left school and from what I've seen you do, you'll make it fine in this world. You'll do great, and I have no doubt in that. You've always been the better one of us, better one in the family though you're moody but I get that too. I hope you see one day how good you are, realise how great you are with your math and never forget who are you and where you came from. People can take everything from you, except your memories and your personality. You truly are a better man and you've been walking the right path in life this whole time, you just haven't seen it yet but I have. You're doing just fine so just keep going.

Always love,

Ko.