College Confusion

Chapter VII- beFirstDay of FirstJam

I went to the gym to see Loke’s practice, he was happy when he saw me.

I sat on the bleachers, and then I remembered about Levy’s painting lessons so I went to the arts room, I opened the door and peaked then I saw her painting seriously, and what could she be painting? She saw me; I waved at her and she waved back.. .

I continued walking and looked for a place where I could stay, find friends whom I could spend time while waiting, then I saw Gray sweating, bringing a bottle of water, he walked beside me, chit chatted and then he left, he was in a hurry too.. Then I saw Jellal also running, he didn’t even waved back at me.

Why is everyone so busy today? I waited on the cafeteria again, waiting for someone to sit on the table with me, I feel so left out until the day ended.

It’s been almost 2 weeks already, I haven’t gone out with my friends, and they were all so busy, everyone so busy preparing for the First Jam, now I see why I’m really no good, I didn’t join any club or any organization, what’s my use..

At home, surfing the internet, writing fan fictions, composing songs and watching anime that’s my life without them, boring and silent; I miss them.

Levy’s talkativeness, Gray’s jokes, Loke’s cluelessness, Jellal’s pinch on my cheek, Zeref’s teasing and Natsu’s kiss on the forehead...

One week before the First Jam, everyone so busy, even our teachers resulting us to have no class, until the school announced that non-participants are not to enter the school; that means one week vacation, one week of watching anime, one week of playing games but also one week of no allowance. Good thing is the days passed really quickly. On the last day of preparation for the First Jam, I went to the school and good thing the guard allowed me to enter in. Natsu and the others weren’t that busy already, good thing because I totally miss them.

Natsu kept reminding about the program tomorrow night, finally he’s dancing in the school arena together with Gray followed by Zeref’s singing, Levy also reminded me to vote for her painting in the morning exactly early as 8 so I’d be the one to vote for her work, and finally about Jellal and Loke’s games. It was a good thing there was no conflict about the time. We spent the whole day together. Until they were called for their rehearsals, Natsu who thought I’d be alone again, he didn’t join the rehearsals to stay with me, I know how important dancing is to him so I refused to, but he still insisted.

Alone in a classroom with him, awkward. He moved nearer to where I sat and laid his head on my shoulders, I can’t help but I kept on smiling. He flicked his finger making a sound to catch my eyes.

“What?” I asked. He opened his hand and spread out his fingers, asking me to give my hand. I don’t know what to do in situations like this, like ohmygosh! I didn’t give my hand as I don’t know how to place it to his, then he slowly took my hand with his right and placed it to his left hand. Holding together like an octopus...

“See? The places between my fingers are where yours fit perfectly. You are mine and only mine” he explained.

Here I am again with my ear smile, stopping myself from smiling. It’s like wait; can I jump now in happiness now? I could feel tingling all over my body like please. I want to squeeze him as tight as I could, like he’s totally mine.

We held hands as he continued lying his head on my shoulders, his head is sure kind of heavy but I don’t care, I hope he doesn’t recognize that I am shaking. He stood his head up and asked me to lay my head on his shoulders, I refused to, it would be embarrassing, he might see my pimples and I smell bad too. He moved a single inch away and placed his hands on my waist, wait! What’s this he’s doing? Is he going to rape me? He pulled me nearer and made my head lay on his lap. Stop shaking Lucy, this is just normal okay? What if he’ll kiss me? What if? Oh my gosh, I’m still too young for this. Natsu, don’t do this please. “You nervous?” he asked. I shook my head saying no. But Am I really not? He asked me to put my feet up to the other side of the bench too so I could lie down comfortably with his lap as my head pillow; his hand on my head and the other on my hand. Everything seems so silent, I wanted to talk about something before anything weird could happen or awkwardness will occur. I couldn’t think of anything to talk to, I thought I already overcomed this fear of talking to him, not fear but nervousness. Why am I shaking again, didn’t I comfortably dated him before? Why so scared Lucy... I did my best to look around, but I couldn’t just avoid taking a peak of him, I want to look up a little to see where he’s looking. Be strong Lucy you can do this. I made up my mind, I looked up and pretending to look on the ceiling and there he caught my eye, he was watching me too. I couldn’t look away from him really, it’s like I was enchanted already. I bit my lips; I heard my heart beating really fast like I ran from a 100 meter dash, my whole body feeling like floating. He slowly moved his head to mine, looks like he’s going to kiss me. What should I do with my lips, what did I eat last? I hope I don’t have a bad breath; I started pouting my lips and closed my eyes passionately waiting for his lips to arrive mine.