College Confusion

XIV- Tomorrow

So that’s why he was so affected. So if ever my game gets over and starts a new game again, does that mean I’ll not remember him anymore? Klein? Sachi and Kuradeel. So, does this mean, whenever I meet Klein around here again, that means he won’t recognize me? This is heart break, I feel like crying already. I know we haven’t spent that much time yet but this is really sad.

“Kirito, didn’t you mention that you know Klein in real life?”I asked.

“I know Kuradeel in real life, not Klein.” He corrected.

Why didn’t he ask him his name in real life that way he could find him there and be friends in real life? About me, I’m scared. I’m scared to die in this game. I’m scared I might not be able to remember him when I come back, I’m scared.

“Kirito, is Kirito your real name in real life?” I asked in a shaky voice. Feeling scared, I don’t care what he says or thinks all I know is I’m scared of losing him.  Kirito looked at me in the eyes,

“Asuna, about the thing you said earlier, you said the reason why you always come here is not because of the game. If the reason is not the game, then what is it? Why do you still come back if you don’t intend to finish the game?” he asked.

What should I say? I can’t tell him that I like him; I mean this is insane, did I just say that? Can I read that part again? What should I say?

He went closer to me, held me on my arms.

“Tell me! Tell me what the reason is behind” he begged.

I don’t know what to say? But do I really like him? How about Natsu? Everytime I remember Natsu, he reminds me of Levy’s message, makes me curious what relationship they have. I feel more secure with Kirito, I think I already like him.

Kirito kept asking the same question, I don’t know what to say, I mean I have a boyfriend. But that boyfriend I don’t know if he still loves me. What could be behind this?

I took steps backward and tapped on my log out button. Sorry Kirito. I can’t decide now.

Finding myself lying on my bed slowly taking of the nerve gear off my head, what have I done? What is happening to me, to us? Is this really the end?  I’m so confused, who could that girl be? Levy or that volleyball MVP Lisanna Strauss? I just can’t believe this is happening. My friend and my boyfriend hiding something from me. I couldn’t believe it, and my matter with Kirito. I don’t want to look on the monitor again, reminds me of how I felt when I read the messages, my heart is about to shatter in pieces, I felt fooled, I don’t want to think this way, but I really think Levy and Natsu has something. I don’t want to think about it. The prince charming I thought that would never hurt or lie to me, the guy who caught my eye when I entered this confusing college thing. He was my strength, my inspiration, and my happiness.

How could they? Please don’t make me think this way. I know they couldn’t do this. I know something else is behind everything. Maybe they have a surprise for me, or they are preparing for something for me? No! This is insane! Why does she have to say something like that? What is this? Why don’t just I ask him? Clear things out, no, I can’t. I’m scared I might lose him; I’m scared to know the truth. I’m scared I might cry again, I’m scared I don’t know what to do if that’ll happen.

I opened my bag, took my phone and texted Natsu.

“Let’s have break. Give each other time”

I don’t know, but that’s the best thing I could do. To stay away from them for now, to be away from those people who has the capacity to hurt me.

I turned my phone off, and plugged in the nerve gear.

Arriving on the last place where I logged out earlier, good thing Kirito isn’t here. Is that a good thing? When the reason why I keep coming is him?

I went to the hill side where we used to meet each other coincidently; I wonder where he is right now. The sun is about to set, where are you Kirito? I wonder if you have a girlfriend in real life, I wonder where you are from; I wonder what type of life you have in reality.

Lying on the grass, waiting for the sun to set, raising my right hand up as if reaching for the sky, and talking to myself like a crazy little girl.

“I wonder where you are right now, I couldn’t imagine this game without you, my real life is sad. My parents broke up, I’m living with my Mom, and she’s always busy too. My boyfriend whom I loved, I just found out that he cheated on me, and of all the girls he could in a relationship be, the girl was my best friend. Tell me; tell me what I should do”

 I feel crying but tears just won’t come out. Do avatars cry too? Do their eyes drop tears too?

“oy! Asuna. Why are you here?”

As I stood up, I saw Kirito coming, his eyes were sad, and in pain. What must’ve happened? His eyes were really sad, I wanted to cry on his shoulders and tell him about my problem in real life, but instead I stoop up fast and started smiling, pretending to be fine. I smile as wide as I could even tears were about to fall,

“Oy! Kirito! You have a problem don’t you? Why don’t we have a chat here?” I invited cheerfully.

“Aren’t you the one who’s suppose to have a problem, why are shaking and smiling so wide? Smile! Your smile is different don’t hide behind those, it’s annoying. Cry I know you want to cry, show me! Do you think you’re strong? You can’t hide those pain with a wide smile, cause no matter what, it’ll always be different” he replied.

What does he mean? What smile? Why is he saying these things? I grab a hold on myself, stopping myself from dropping a tear, my eyes went watery.

“Don’t give me that look, no one asked you to come back here. Isn’t the reason why you’re here is me? Do you know? Do you know that because of you.... because of you everything is beginning to be a mess, not just my life in this video game but also in my real life? What are you? You are ruining my life, my entire life. You ruining everything, everything is a disaster because you made me fall for you. Get lost! ” he screamed at me.

I looked away, biting my lips, my hands shaking, and my tears starts falling, I don’t know what is happening. I’m sure he just needs someone to comfort him, I’m sure he didn’t mean to say those things. I have to understand him; he must be having rough problems in his real life. Why am I the reason? If he fell for me, I’m also falling for him. Why can’t we make it simple and be together.

“Stop pretending to be strong; this isn’t a battlefield. No more pretending because it’s just me; now look at me and blink those tears away. Let those tears fall just like how you fell for me, don’t stop things from falling because eventually they will fall in the right place and time” I explained.

Kirito walked closer and gave me a hug.

“I’m sorry” he whispered.

I cried the loudest I could, taking out the pain I have inside, the Natsu and Levy thing and the Natsu and Volleyball thing. Natsu, you hurt me a lot.

Forgetting Natsu on the set, Kirito and I held hands as tight as we could, Kirito lying on the green grass, and me lying on his warm chest to watch the view of the sun set which was beautiful as I could ever imagine.

“Asuna” he called.

“Oh?” I answered as I looked up on him,

“About us” he started..

About us? Is he going to talk about us already? Is he going to court me?

“About us, we can’t just stay like this forever right? I mean, we all know there’s nothing real in this world.” He continued.

What does he mean?

“Tomorrow, let’s meet here. Same time., Let’s think about us, let’s make sure and be ready for incoming situations that might occur. You should get some rest too, the game owner announced that you can’t stay longer than 5 hours with a nerve gear or else you may not be able to wake up in real life again, be careful”

Tapping my menu, I logged out.