Mass Effect One Shots

Babysitting. (Joker, Wrex and Shepard)

Thank you The9crazy7face for your request for Joker(: I hope this is good enough!

"Shepard."

"Wrex."

"I need your help with something."

"What is it this time?" Shepard huffed.

"Will you babysit my children?" Shepard couldn't believe his ears. There were four babies. Four Krogan. Four huge troublemakers.

"... Wrex..."

"I want to take Bakara out to have some... heh... fun."

"You want me to watch your kids while you go make more." Shepard stated.

"Yep."

"Fine. Can I get someone to help me?"

"Sure if you can find someone. Ill bring the kids around in a couple hours." And with that, Wrex walked away. 

Shepard couldn't believe he was going to have to babysit Wrexs urchins. He needed to find help. Wait what did Wrex say...

"Wrex! Wait what do you mean when you said 'if I can find someone'?" Shepard only heard a deep laugh.

"Shit."

Shepard called almost everyone. But as soon as he mentioned watching baby Krogan they suddenly had something come up. Joker was the only one who said yes but that might have to do with the fact that Shepard told him they were going to go party.

A knock sounded at the door. Shepard walked over and opened it quickly, ushering joker inside.

"So are we partying here or at a bar?" Joker asked.

"Um. You'll see." And with that he started to hear a stampede outside. He pulled joker carefully over to the couch and sat him down before the four Krogan burst into the room. Shepard cringed when they broke down the door. And not just broke it off the hinges, it was legitimately in pieces.

"Oops." Said one. The other three suddenly split up and went all different directions through the apartment.

"Shepard."

"Yes joker?"

"We aren't partying. Are we?"

"Just don't break yourself."

"I wont break myself. But those four monsters will." Joker said, cringing as he ducked underneath a flying flower pot.

"I'm making Wrex clean all this up." Shepard mumbled to himself.

The night consisted of Shepard trying to keep the children from ruining too many things but about two hours after they had been dropped off at least 17 things were broken. Three chairs, a table, six flower pots, the card table, two stairs, a window, and three cupboards were all sadly lying in pieces around the apartment. There was also a hole in the wall where the kids were 'fighting' and all four of them headbutted the wall.

"Shepard, I can't take much more of this I think all my ribs are at least bruised and I can't feel my left hand."

"Only a little longer Joker, I promise." Shepard mostly said this to put hope in his own mind. After another ten minutes of the youngest one crying from missing his mom, Shepard had had enough.

"ALRIGHT THAT'S IT." He yelled as loud as he could. It was odd how suddenly the kids stopped doing anything. The silence was almost eerie. "You all need to calm down, and do something other than cause havoc." Because of the few moments of silence, one by one the kids started yawning. The first one sat on the floor, laid down, and was instantly out. The second and third fell over face first and landed with a thud on the carpeted ground. The fourth one sat there for a minute. He didn't look as tired as his siblings were. Shepard walked over and picked him up. He was a lot heavier than was expected so he struggled. Sitting on the couch, Joker laughed at the struggle.

"Wow, you shoulda done that a while ago." he said.

"Here take this, I'm going to clean somewhat." Shepard handed Joker the child who cuddled up and fell asleep.
"You know Shepard, they aren't so bad asleep. Even though my legs are starting to fall asleep because they are so heavy. Just think. When they grow up we will have a lot of headbutting going on."

"They already do that." Shepard said, looking at the large hole he was going to have to fix. He started first with the broken glass and pots everywhere. He carefully swept up all the pieces and threw them in the trash. Then he glued the tables, cupboards, and doors back together. The stairs were pretty tricky to put back together but he figured out how by using a chair leg to hold it up.

"You know Shepard, this is kinda fun watching you play maid. Can you make me some popcorn?"

"No."

"Alright, fine."

After all but the chairs were fixed, he tapped them back together because he ran out of glue.

It was a good thing that Wrex walked in the door just then, because the baby Joker was holding sat up, smiled, and headbutted Joker who immediately screamed in pain, and blood gushed out his nose. Shepard ran to get some medi-gel. As soon as he had applied it they headed to Huerta Memorial Hospital to make sure Joker was okay. On the way there Wrex spoke.

"So I assume the kids weren't too bad?"