Mass Effect One Shots

Drunk Kaidan (Kaidan and FemShep)

Please don't copy my stories(: Enjoy!

Drunk Kaidan

"Uh Commander, we need some help down on the crew deck." Joker said over the loudspeaker. Shepard really didn't want it to be another fight. She hopped into the elevator and listened to the horrible music. They really should get a better soundtrack.

The door slid open and she instantly was engulfed in a smell so rancid she almost threw up. She quickly covered her mouth with her hand and walked to where there were a bunch of people standing around.

Kaidan, James, Cortez, and Garrus were at the table having what looked like a drinking war. They all had the same amount of cups turned over, meaning they drank those. She had discovered where the smell was coming from. Cortez was laying on the floor with what looked like vomit all around him. She tried not to breathe. Then she noticed Garrus still sitting up straight with a smug smile on his face, James seemed a little wobbly, but he was holding out well. He had a determined look in his eyes like he wanted to win Garrus.

Then there was Kaidan.

Who looked like he had passed out a long time ago. Garrus and James drank another glass and when they flipped the cup over, Kaidan shot up out of his seat. He was so clumsy on his feet he fell right into Shepard, knocking them both into the ground.

"Ssshepred," He slurred. "Yooou wannna dronk with uss?" He looked up at her face and stared.

"It looks like you're losing."

"I'mnot!" He protested and tried to stand up himself but fell back into Shepards arms. She sighed and motioned to Garrus she was taking Kaidan to his room. He demurred as she dragged him off mumbling stuff like, "I'll wiinnn, those guys can't eeeven driinnnk."

"Ugh you're heavy, Alenko."

"Hhhheavy with beautyy." He responded and tried to wink, but that ended up looking like a little kid would wink. Both eyes and several times.

"More like heavy with booty." Shepard mumbled to herself. She dragged him to his room and flopped him on the bed. He immediately snuggled a pillow and Shepard decided she would be a good friend and take off his boots for him.

After that was finished, she stood there and wondered if she should put him under the covers or not. She became vaguely aware he was staring at her.

"Ssshepred,"

"Yes Kaidan?"

"Yyoouu'rree boootyful." Shepard was about to tell him thank you when he convulsed and vomited all down the front of her.

"Dammit, Alenko!" She held her breath as to not breathe in the putrid smell. Kaidan mumbled something that sounded like a sorry and before his head even hit his pillow, he was asleep. He looked almost as bad as Cortez, and smelled just as awful. Shepard pulled out her Omi-tool and decided to take a quick picture. She turned and left.

She was totally going to black mail him.