Finnick and Annie

Victor's Parade (Annie's POV)

After the reaping I was taken home by one of our neighbors. She was nice enough, but she left soon after because she had children to take care of. I appreciated her help, but I felt incredibly lonely after she was gone. I had managed to calm down some after my huge breakdown at the plaza, which undoubtedly would be seen by everybody in Panem… as if they needed more reasons to call me crazy.

            “I miss you, Finnick,” I said to nobody, as I walked into our empty bedroom. I stripped off my clothes and found one of Finnick’s shirts, which he had left on the floor. For the first time I was glad he was so disorganized… I missed him leaving everything strewn around. I slipped on the t-shirt, and slumped on our bed. His scent lingered on the shirt and on his pillow, the sweet aroma of his shampoo mixed with the salty ocean breeze he was so constantly exposed to. I hugged his pillow tightly to my chest, wishing it was him in my arms.

            I rolled over to his side of the bed and I heard a crunching sound. I sat up and threw the covers to the floor, to find a piece of paper folded neatly on the bed. It had my name written on it in Finnick’s sloppy handwriting. I picked it up, tentatively, afraid of what it might say, but I gathered my courage and unfolded it.

            Dear Annie,

           

I’m gone now… at least you knew this would happen, I can’t imagine how you would have reacted if you hadn’t figured it out beforehand… Love, I know we already talked about this a lot, but I just figured you might need some reminding after I was gone. Annie, I am certain that I will see you again. You know I can’t tell you much more, but I need you to know, that this is not goodbye for us.

I’m really sorry I’ve left you alone, if Mags is not reaped then she will be mentoring, so she won’t be able to look after you. I’ve been really worrying about what will happen to you, back home all alone… so I need you to be strong for me, Annie. You’re used to having me around… I’m always there for you when you need me, but right now you’re on your own. I trust you to look after yourself, for me, because Annie the one thing I am looking forward to is seeing you again. Remember my promise, right? We’ll get married when I get back home.

 

You’re my life, Annie,

Finn.

 

            I read the letter with tears in my eyes. Just his handwriting was enough for me. I was glad he had left me the little surprise, because he was right… I was going to need some reminding. I could feel the deep depression starting to consume me. It was a feeling I was used to, it had always been there since my games had ended, some times hardly noticeable, waiting in the shadows for a moment of weakness in which to attack, but it was always there. It was most common when Finnick wasn’t home, and mixed with the anxiety I felt, from not knowing how long it would be before I saw Finn again, I could barely keep myself together.

            “You need to do it for Finnick,” I whispered to myself. “I promise, Finn, I’ll be waiting here for you,” I said.

            He wasn’t there, and I was perfectly aware of the fact… in fact, his absence filled the room, the entire house, it filled my head and my body with a deep sense of longing and sadness, but pretending he could hear me made me feel better. I imagined him there with me, lurking somewhere around the house, unseen, and though my fantasy was ridiculous, and though it changed nothing, it help me remain sane.

            I had a wild imagination, which was more a burden than a gift. I could relive my worse nightmares and memories very vividly. I remembered everything in detail, and sometimes, I imagined made up things that were far worse than anything I had seen… so it was the first time I was glad I was so unhinged.

            I spent the next day on our bed, still in Finnick’s shirt, watching the TV, waiting for the Tribute’s Parade, just to get a glimpse of him, to remind myself that he was fine, and that he would be fine, and that he would return… he needed to return, after all he had promised!

            I ignored Caesar’s commentary while I waited for the parade to start. I heard Finnick’s name once in a while, but the rest of the time they talked about the other victors, and their games, and how they had won. They even showed a few clips from the previous games and how each victor had made his last kill. I shut my eyes, trying to force the violent images out of my mind, but I knew that they would remain there forever… etched in stone… they would become part of my nightmares, I was sure.

            Finally the music started, and the screen changed. Caesar’s voice was still audible, but his face was no longer on the screen, instead, the camera’s focused on the chariots that begun to make their way down the street, each carrying both victor’s from a district. I heard the names being called, but I forgot them immediately… with the exception of Finnick. The camera zoomed in on his chariot. Finnick stood next to Mags, in nothing but a golden net, which barely covered him.

            This was not new to me, I had seen Finnick naked many times, I had long ago memorized every inch of his body, but I felt completely outraged at the fact that everybody else could see. He wasn’t technically naked because the net had a strategically placed knot in the front, but his back was knot-free. His hair seemed more golden somehow, and his face and body had been covered in unnecessary make-up.

            He looked ridiculous, and I knew his outfit probably mortified him, but I had to admit, he was stunning… though he would have been stunning without anything on as well! Suddenly, I was thankful for the golden net draped over his body.

            For a second, Finnick looked straight into the camera, which had zoomed in on his face, and he gave it a half-hearted smile, revealing only one of his dimples. To anybody else, this gesture might have seemed normal, in fact, there were probably dozens of girls fanning themselves and squealing over his gorgeousness, but I knew his face… I knew his eyes, and they were full of sadness.

            I knew why he was suffering… it was because of me… he was worried about me. We had fought over his decision of leaving, I had been livid because I thought he had been putting his life on risk for no reason, but everything seemed so much clearer to me now. When the victors from District Twelve, Katniss and Peeta flashed on the screen, with their dark costumes and expressionless faces, I understood.

            If anybody had reasons to despise the Capitol, it was Finnick. Snow had controlled his whole life; he had been used as a puppet for years. Snow pulled the strings and Finnick had to obey… to protect his family and to protect me. Thinking about it filled me with rage, so I couldn’t imagine the resentment Finnick had been shutting down for so many years.

           

            I was lying in bed about an hour after the parade had ended. I had been procrastinating my shower, and I was just about ready to stand up and head to the bathroom, when the phone rang. “Hello?”

            “Annie,” Finnick sighed on the other side of the line.

            “Finn? Where are you calling from?” I asked.

            “That’s not important,” he muttered. He’s calling from one of their houses… one of the women, I thought. Every time Finnick visited the Capitol, he visited a woman or two, and I knew that now that there was the possibility that he might die in the games… that his services would no longer be available… there would be tons of people lined up to meet with him one last time.

            “Finnick…”

            “I just want to make sure, you’re ok,” he whispered. “Did you get my note?”

            “Yes, I did,” I sighed. “Finnick… I’m sorry I ever doubted you, I was being selfish… I… I understand why you left. I don’t know what the hell is going on, but I trust you, and I don’t want you to worry about me. Worry about coming back home, Finnick because that’s all that matters.”

            “Annie… I have to go,” he said. “Stay strong.”

            “I will. For you.”