Finnick and Annie

Dead (Annie's POV)

I decided to take Finnick's advice and go see Johanna. She was quite surprised to see me, but I didn't let that stop me. I was scared and lonely, and so was she. The trauma she'd suffered at the Capitol, and then again at training had softened her a lot. She wasn't intimidating anymore. Instead she just looked tired.

"Finn said you might want company," I explained as I stood by the doorway.

She looked like she might snap at me, but then sighed and motioned to the empty bed next to hers. I sat on the edge of the mattress and looked at her, unsure of what to say.

"Why didn't you stop him?" her question caught me off guard, and I looked at her trying to figure her out.

"Why would I?"

"He could die." She shrugged and seemed almost satisfied when I frowned and looked down at my lap.

"You were ready to go with them."

"I was," she agreed. "But then again, nobody's going to miss me. If I were on my honeymoon, I wouldn't let my husband leave me to go to war."

"You'd go with him." I met her eyes again and smiled a little.

"I guess I would. But you're here."

"I was never the best fighter," I said defensively. It wasn't nice of her to remind me how useless I was to the war effort.

"That's true."

I sighed, almost determined to stand up and leave. Johanna was not nice, and she had little concern for other people's feelings. "You don't like me." It wasn't a question. It was pretty obvious that she was uncomfortable around me, because she thought I was crazy, which maybe I was, but I always suspected another reason.

"Who told you that?" She chuckled, but didn't deny it.

"You think I'm crazy."

"Hey, I never said that."

I hesitated for a moment before asking a question I'd been holding back for years. "You love him, don't you?"

She rolled her eyes and shot me a nasty look. "Now you've really lost your mind."

"You're his closest friend, you know?" Though I hated to admit it, I knew it was true. Though Finnick and I had been best friends our whole lives, things changed after my Games, and after Snow started sending him to the Capitol. They shared things that I didn't. They were both mentors, and Johanna had lost her loved ones for refusing to do the things that kept Finnick a slave. They'd shared many late nights in the Capitol, while I was safely back home, and then they'd become part of the revolution, while I was oblivious to their plans.

"What are you getting at, Cresta?" she snapped, flashing me her most intimidating glare for a brief moment. "If you're trying o get me to admit that I have a crush on your husband, then you can cut it off. I don't... Crazy and jealous..." she muttered.

"I'm not jealous." I sighed and wrapped my arms around my stomach absentmindedly. "I just know you're worried too, and I thought maybe we could be worried together." Her expression softened and she sighed

"Finnick is... an amazing soldier. It's going to take more than a few peacekeepers to take him down."

Of course, when the propos began to air, we realized he wouldn't be facing the peacekeepers. On the small screen across the bed we watched as they set off traps and took down some targets. My worry was beginning to ebb away; it seemed they weren't involved in any of the real fighting, though the traps reminded me too much of the arena, which really had me on my nerves, but Johanna's company kept me calm.

I was sitting on the bed next to hers, knitting (Plutarch had sneaked some needles and yarn into my room to help calm my nerves) when the screen turned on. We'd grown used to the Capitol announcements and to the constant Propos, so I wasn't very alarmed. "Annie..."

Johanna's voice caught my attention, and I looked up at the screen to see what was going on. The figures on the tiny screen were hard to make out from where I was sitting, so I crawled to the end of the mattress to get a better look. I first noticed Katniss and then an explosion. Startled, I searched for Finnick's bright hair and was relieved to see he was okay, but the footage didn't end there. Everything that followed happened so fast I could barely make out my husband's body as he ran to cover inside an apartment to avoid the large black wave that blacked out the cameras. The screen was only black for a second, as the footage reappeared, showing the house they had taken for shelter from a different angle. A squad of peacekeepers stood around, with their weapons pointed at the black-coated apartment.

My needles clinked against the tiled floor as the building crumbled to pieces. I watched as the walls collapsed and the peacekeepers cheered, and as a reporter named the soldiers who'd died in the ambush; Finnick Odair was one of them.

I felt Johanna's arms wrapped tightly around me before I understood what was happening. I was shaking, or maybe she was shaking, but all I could think about was my husband's picture on the screen as they announced his death to the whole country.

She might have been stronger than me at some point, but now she was week and tired, and I was strengthened by my own grief, so though she tried to hold me back, I easily broke lose from her grip and ran out of the room. I knew my way around the underground maze pretty well by that point, but I was too distracted by my own sorrow to care where I was heading. In the distance I could hear Johanna's voice calling my name, and though I couldn't be sure, I thought she was sobbing too.

When I was finally too out of breath to continue I found an empty closet to hide in. It was empty except for a few cleaning supplies. I'd somehow ended up in the lower floors, which were usually pretty empty except for the people who worked there. I curled up into a ball and sobbed with abandon because I knew nobody could hear me; I also knew I didn't care. It would take people hours to find me there. I'd get in trouble for being in an unauthorized floor, but I didn't care about that either; I didn't care about anything anymore.

Mags was gone; Finnick was gone; my family was as good as gone. I was like Johanna: completely alone. There was a bottle of bleach sitting in one of the lower shelves, and I must have stared at it for hours. I felt like I did when I was fresh out of the arena, empty, yet in so much pain. When the war was over, if it was ever over, I'd have nothing to go back to.

The thought of returning to an empty house was terrifying. Who'd help me out of the darkness of my own mind, or hold me in a warm embrace when my nightmares became too much too bare?

The floor was cold and hard against my trembling body, and I wanted Finnick to hold me close. But Finnick would never hold me again. I would never feel his warm muscles around my waist, or his soft lips against my hair. He would never be there in my bed at night, or waiting for me in our kitchen with a fresh catch of fish.

I cried until my throat was dry and my cries were hoarse, and until my eyes were so swollen I could barely keep them open. I held my knees tightly against my chest and wished for it all to end. But then I thought about the needles I'd dropped to the floor, and the half finished hat I'd been knitting for our child, and I kicked the bottle of bleach to the other side of the small room. You promised you'd take care of yourself. I gasped at the sound of his voice, and broke down into fresh sobs when I realized it was just in my head. Don't cry, Sweetheart. I shook my head and pressed my palms firmly against my ears. "Stop," I whispered. He was gone; I didn't need him to haunt me as well. Do you want me to go? "I want you to come back," I pleaded, gripping my hair tightly with my fists, trying to distract myself with the pain. I'll leave you alone then. I love you, Annie. I screamed and begged him to return, but he was gone for good. It wasn't the real him; I would never see the real Finnick again.