Why me

Why me P24

My eyes opened and I was standing on top of the roof. I looked around to see Jessie shouting something up to me pleading with me, but I just zoned out looking around again. I knew what had just happened couldn’t have been a dream; I was awake the whole time. It was like the universe had just given me another chance. A chance to re-do the biggest mistake of my life. I knew what I was feeling now; it was joy, I was happy to see Jessie’s face at the bottom of the house. I let out a laugh as Jessie looked at me confused, still crying. I moved away from the edge and climbed down the ladder carefully before Jessie fell to the floor with me cradling me in her arms. We sat like that for a few minutes before Jessie spoke up.

Jessie-“Kenz.” Jessie said she had mixed feelings in her voice and I could feel them as she spoke, I could feel she felt pain, joy and relief. Jessie was still crying so I knew it would be hard for me to understand what she was about to say but I already knew what she was going to say.

Kenzie-“Jess, I will never do that again, I’m sorry.” I apologised to Jessie for all I had put her through. I know how I would feel if the situation had reversed and Jessie was the one up there whilst I was trying to call her down.

We sat in silence for a few hours before it begun to get dark, I could hear Jessie on the phone to someone getting them to come and pick us up but I had no clue who it was. Me and Jessie was stood on a street corner, I don’t know what street it was but I remembered it from when I was running down here earlier trying to escape Jessie, well trying to escape everything really, most importantly life.

Eventually a car pulled up and I could see Holly’s red afro through the window screen as she was smiling brightly at us. I saw Holly’s face fall as she saw the red bags around both of our eyes. Jessie gave Holly the daggering look as if to say don’t say a word, but Holly was a worrier, if Jessie didn’t tell her anything Holly would just panic and assume something terrible had happened. Well it nearly did, I nearly made a permanent decision to a temporary problem. I was sure I did make it. I knew I had jumped and it was what I wanted; I knew I wasn’t day dreaming it was all too real.

As soon as I and Jessie climbed in the back of the car Holly’s face turned to the both of us.

Holly-“What’s wrong, what’s happened are you both okay.”

Jessie-“It doesn’t matter Holly we’re both fine, please can you just drive.” Jessie snapped at Holly, which I didn’t think was fair, I mean I know Jessie probably thought I didn’t want anyone to know, but that was the complete opposite, what I had just experienced could save a lot of people, I knew my story probably wouldn’t benefit Holly in any way, but I knew there had to be a start, a first person who I shared it with, and I trusted Holly and I knew Jessie did, so why not.

Kenzie-“Jessie, it’s fine, you can tell her.”

Jessie-“No Kenzie I said we’re fine.” Jessie hardly ever called me Kenzie, only when she was asking me to do something or when she was angry at me, it was always ‘Kenz’ to Jessie, it was like she had just switched, and so did I. I went from feeling like the luckiest person on earth that had just been given a second chance to someone who felt like they wished they didn’t have the second chance at all.

Kenzie-“Why Jessie? Are you embarrassed that you have a suicidal sister?” I snapped at her, tears falling down my face.

Kenzie-“I’ll walk home.” I said as I opened the car door and walked out, slamming the door behind me, I could hear Holly shouting something behind me, it sounded like she was pleading with me to get back in the car, but Jessie stayed mute.

Jessie’s POV.

I couldn’t help but think Kenzie was the one who was embarrassed of me, I mean she wanted people to know about her suicidal attempt, but she wanted no one to know about me being her sister. I realised now they were two completely different things, and I just had to accept I didn’t know the way Kenzie was feeling, no one did. I just had to trust her and let her get on with whatever she felt she needed to do. I knew Kenzie and once she had something in her head she hardly ever changed it, she was very stubborn, which is why I’m so proud of her for listening, for getting down of that roof when I thought she was gone. I was ready to catch her; it was all planned out in my head. That was strange; I knew there must have been more to it. Saying this, I knew she wouldn’t get back in the car with me in it.

Jessie-“Holly, go get her, I’ll walk, take her back to mine and make sure you don’t leave her there till I get back. Promise me you won’t leave her.” My eyes daggered into Holly’s so she knew I meant what I was saying.

Holly-“Okay Jessie I promise.”

                                                  Kenzie’s POV.     

I could hear the car behind me coming closer and closer, I didn’t want to get in though, I knew she would try and make me. However maybe I didn’t know better than anyone else, maybe I should stop being so stubborn, everything that was hurting me, I was letting hurt the people around me too, the people I loved. I was glad Jessie saw my cuts, Jessie was there to save me, and maybe Jessie knew more than I did and had her reasons for wanted me to keep it to myself. Holly wound her window down as she stuck her head out.

Holly-“Jessie’s walking and you’re coming with me.” Holly smiled as she wound her window up. She said it like she knew I wouldn’t argue with her, and I didn’t I just jumped inside.

Kenzie-“Okay maybe I was being stupid, I don’t want Jessie to walk, please can she come home with us?” Holly turned around to face me with a smile on her face.

Holly-“Of course she can Kenz.”