Why me

Why me P36

Why me a Jessie J fanfic.

I want to dedicate this chapter to every one who reads my book, thank you for being patient with my posting:)

Part 36. Enjoy:)

Before I could fight with myself and change my mind, I decided that I didn’t belong here, however much Jessie told me she cared about me, she was probably only saying that so I didn’t tell Rose, my mind was confused, one minute I was being told I wasn’t related to the family I had grew up with for fifteen years, the next I was dropped into a family with ‘Jessie J’ who was a big character, I mean, I had to learn how to keep up with her wit and humour, and now I am being told I don’t belong anywhere. I didn’t understand, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to understand.

I heard the rain pouring on the windows outside. ‘I am not going outside in the rain’ I thought to myself. I tried to snuggle up in the blankets, but I couldn’t. Nothing would let me go to sleep, that’s when I realised I couldn’t sleep because I wanted Jessie.

Kenzie-“Jessie, are you awake?” I whispered. Just in case Jessie was asleep, I didn’t want to wake her up. Jessie stayed still. Oh so I couldn’t sleep without Jessie, but she’s done a perfect job of going to sleep without me. I sighed and got into bed next to Jessie and yanked the blankets.

I heard sniffling coming from beside me I tried to ignore it and sleep, but the more I ignored it the more my brain wanted to focus on it. I sat up and rubbed my head, it became clear to me that I had a banging headache. I looked around the room and seen nothing. I just heard sniffles coming from right beside me. That’s when I realised Jessie hadn’t left me to go to sleep on my own. Jessie was crying. Uncontrollably.

Kenzie-“Jess?” I asked, yawning. There was no reply. Great, I hope I haven’t upset her.

Kenzie-“Jess what’s wrong?”

Jessie-“Nothing, Kenz, just leave it.”

Kenzie-“Jessie, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.” There was no reply. I let out a loud sigh, I didn’t think I’d have to do this, but it was the only thing I could think of.

Kenzie-“Jessie, remember when I was in such a state last… no actually, most days something upsets me, and remember who is always there for me? You, and you’re there because I know you care about me, and I know you love me, I know you always tell me you do because you think I forget, but I don’t forget, and I hope you never forget that I love you too, you know you can tell me everything no matter how bad it is, or if I’ve done something wrong, you can tell me, we’re sisters, and we can get through it. I want to help you, like you help me Jessie.” I heard more crying and Jessie was struggling to breath.

Kenzie-“There’s been moments when I feel like giving up… like on everything. I do give up sometimes… but then you’re always there Jess. You’re always there to pick me up when I’m down, it’s like you always know. If I could do anything to make it up to you, I would. You know that don’t you?” I tried a more tactical approach. Ask Jessie a question, that way, she didn’t just have to listen, she could reply… if she wanted to. Just when I thought Jessie wasn’t going to answer me again, I let out a big sigh, but my sigh was caught short as Jessie sat up and interrupted me.

Jessie-“I just feel so bad Kenz. It’s not a joke, it’s your life, and we’ve played with your life.”

Kenzie-“Who’s played with my life Jessie?”

Jessie-“We have, ‘my’ family.” Jessie said emphasising the ‘my’. Ouch that hurt, a lot.

Kenzie-“Why have you?” I winced from the un-physical pain in my chest.

Jessie-“You thought you fitted in, I thought you fitted in.” Jessie must have seen the hurt on my face. It was clear she was trying to basically say I didn’t fit in.

Jessie-“You do fit in, it’s just..." Jessie sighed "I know how you was feeling when you left earlier to ‘go get a glass of water’ and I know how it made me feel when I realised why you lied to me.”

I just stared at Jessie. I didn’t even really know why I was feeling all the things I was feeling, how could Jessie? There was no way Jessie knew. I mean all my life I had forced myself to believe that no one could know me better than myself, Jessie couldn’t, could she?

Jessie-“You’re 15 Kenz. I remember how I felt when I was 15. I had a dream, and there was nothing that I would let get in my way of my dream, but say something got in my way, and I had to move family, and I didn’t get any support of my new family that I did of my mom and dad, I know that I wouldn’t be here where I am today, and that’s what scares me Kenz, what if in the future your life doesn’t work out the way you want it to, it will be all my fault.” Jessie started crying again. It was the type of crying that happens when someone’s drunk and they over think and cry at things that don’t even matter. I knew Jessie hadn’t touched a sip of alcohol though. I knew Jessie was being deadly serious.

That's when I realised it. Right then. I realised that Jessica Ellen Cornish did know me better than I knew myself.

Kenzie-“Jessie, I wish I could say that my life has been wonderful since I’ve met you, but it hasn’t, I mean, I have a slight scar on my face due to a glass being smashed against it.” I looked at Jessie to make sure that that wasn’t too soon to be making jokes, due to the state she was in. Jessie wiped her tears and a slight laugh fell out of her lips, before the tears fell again.

Kenzie-“And that’s not it Jessie, even if that didn’t happen, things wouldn’t be perfect, but who wants perfect? That’s boring, and everything happens for a reason. If my life doesn’t go the way I want it, that’s because I didn’t try hard enough. The past month I’ve spent with your family, they’ve been much more supportive than Tom and Carol have in a full 15 years.”

Jessie wiped her tears and I stared at her.

Kenzie-“Just stop worrying Jessie, honestly, everything will work out fine in the end, and if it doesn’t work out fine, it’s not the end.”

Jessie didn’t say anything, she didn’t have to. The smile she was wearing on her face was enough to speak a thousand words. Jess pulled me in close to her and embraced me in her arms for a long warming hug.

Jessie-“You do have some really wise words Kenz.”

Jessie-“And your right, I do love you, a lot.”

Jessie-“Goodnight Cornish.” Jessie said as I pulled away from her and lay under the blanket.

Kenzie-“Night Jess.” 

I'm sorry I haven't been writing as frequent, I've been really busy, but I'm hoping I can post more frequently now:) Thanks for reading:)