Today I attempted to go to the studio and write a song about you. I can't get you out of my mind. It's day 2 and this whole breaking a habit thing doesn't seem to be working.
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"How are you holding up?" Scooter asked, resting his hand on my shoulder. "I feel like death. I sleep one hour last night." I replied. "Well take a nap now. I'll be in the lobby if you need anything text me." He patted my shoulder before walking out. Take a nap. I inwardly chuckled at the thought but couldn't force my lips with curve into a smile.
I sat in a rocking chair with a notepad and a pen. I doodled when A drop of water fell onto the page. I'm crying. I'm surrounded by people but I feel so alone. I'm crying again. I went from not crying to crying 2 days in a row. Before I knew it the whole page was covered in tears. I tried to keep my mind from wondering back to the times where we were together like that wasn't literally 2 days ago. But it didn't work. I remember the first time we kissed like it was yesterday;
"So what'd your teacher say?" I asked with the biggest smile on my face. I've known this chick for 3 months and I swear I'm in love with her. "She told me that what I said was highly inappropriate and I should apologize." She had told me a joke that she told the whole class when she was a freshmen and high school that earned her detention. "Wait-" I said, laughing and trying to catch my breathe at the same time. "How's the joke go again?"
"Anal with my boyfriend made his whole day, but it made my hole weak." Stupid joke,I know but everything that came out of her mouth, funny or not made me smile. I've never had someone who can make me smile even on my worse days. I've known her 3 months and we've been talking for a solid month, and I don't know how I lived without her. "So did you make that joke up, or did you hear is somewhere?" She tucked a piece of her curly hair behind her ear and smiled at me. "I heard it from a friend." 6 words but it still managed to make me smile. A real- wholehearted- smile. Not a grin, or a smirk. One of those smiles where you start to lose feeling in your cheeks because they're in one position too long. That kind of smile you only have with one person. "You're so beautiful." I said after a couple quiet moments.
"You gotta stop saying that, you're gonna make my head big." She's so sweet. She's so ugh. "Your head isn't big?! You should look in the mirror everyday and be like damn I'm a babe." She laughed and smiled after, her smile was like mine. Wholehearted- not a grin, not a smirk.
"You too! You're the biggest babe around." I felt myself leaning in, do it you fucking pussy my conscious said to me. Our eyes kept their connection even with less than 2 inches between them. "I love you." I whispered before going in for the kill. Going in for the kill? Why must my conscious always interrupt my stories? Because I'm better than you, keep telling your story though. I like it. I kissed her. It wasn't a peak- no this was full on tongue action. Her lips and mine moved perfectly together as cliché as that may sound, it's true. I felt my heart actually explode. That can't happen dumbass, you would die.
Okay, I felt butterflies in my stomach like I always felt when I was around her. "That was amazing." She whispered, our eyes still pouring into each other's. Our lips 2 inches apart, again. I couldn't help but think about how 2 weeks ago she told me she loved me. I didn't think it was weird. We've known each other for months, but I didn't say it back. To be honest, I didn't know if I did love her. But now more than even I'm so sure. Your phone is ringing.
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I looked at my phone and saw her calling, no a text. It's a text. I'm 2 days into this and I feel like I've taken 30 steps back.
From: my love
Was thinking about you. Hope you're having a good day.
She did it again, she said what I couldn't. I could never text her that especially after I broke up with her. I stared at the Text for a good 10 minutes, the screen going black a couple times. Reply fucktard.
To: my love
I was thinking about you too. Have an amazing day.
- they say it takes 21 days to break a habit
