Don't You Trust Me?

Chapter 20- Eyes Wide Shut

We sat in deafening silence for what seemed like an immeasurable amount of time before his door finally cracked open and a sticky gust of sea air whispered across my face. I sat as still as stone as he stood outside the car and stared down at me, telling myself the only thing that mattered now was the fact that 50 federal agents were about to take down Sebastian and lock him up for the rest of his life.

And as excited as I was for this- as long as I've waited for this- I couldn't keep my scrambled thoughts from buzzing around the beautiful boy that was now sitting on the back of the unmarked police cruiser we were assigned to. Because you won't bring it up and fight with him. You can't take the risk of him leaving just as it gets real. You're scared to lose the impossible perfection that is Jax Logan.

What is left unsaid is oftentimes the makings of dreams.

When the door had clicked shut behind him, he took with him the enticing scent that he seemed to emanate. He took with him his warmth, his magnetic aura, and all the vivid colors of the world that clung to him. All that was left was the dull, chemical smell of upholstery cleaner, stale black coffee, and the putrid smell of cigarette smoke buried deep in the car's seats.

Ignorance is bliss, but fake is fake.

Shoving your head under the covers to hide from the growing possibility that Jax Logan isn't the knight in shining armor you thought he was... It's not saving your friendship with him. Look at you two.

I looked into the rearview mirror, out into the moody grey that framed the hunched figure that sat on top of the trunk. Jax's raven black hair disappeared under his hood as he flipped it up, now only the form of his broad shoulders and back visible under the draping sweatshirt he wore. He was facing away from me, looking out over the water.

A good 15 minutes passed and Jax didn't look back into the car even once. My eyes kept flickering back to the rearview mirror to check on his silhouette, though. His immovable, relaxed silhouette.

20 minutes passed. Then five more. Faster and faster, the clock inched closer to the agreed meet up time between Sebastian, Mr. Iglesias, and surely some Los Zetas members for security. And yet, still faster and faster my heart raced.

Petrified and anxious as the police sting ticked closer, my chest began constricting. The warm, stuffy air in the police car trickled down into my ravenous lungs. I'm not ready. I can't do this. This was a mistake, being here. I need...

A shuddering groan escaped my lips as my body reacted without my mind's permission, the nerves, fear, hope, loneliness, guilt, and embarrassment finally getting my body heaving up and out of the car door. I need my best friend.

I padded through the wet grass and came around the back of the car, flinging up and into Jax's arms before he could even straighten up. He was sitting with his elbows braced on his knees, his eyes cast down at his long thin fingers, so when I jumped up and slid on top of the trunk next to him, I had to wriggle my way into his shocked arms.

"I'm sorry, Jax. I'm on edge and I'm worried and passive aggressive and childish and yeah- I have been avoiding you for the past two weeks. I'm worried about Nathaniel, yes, but that's not it." I rushed out my apology before my brain succeeded in tying my tongue and shutting my mouth up tight. "The reason I reacted so strongly when I started seeing Reed inch closer to Zoe, and then just now when you defended him without even acknowledging the... Jax, I saw Reed's tattoo."