To Be Happy After Infidelity

That Moment When You Find Out

It was the night of September 23, our 13th year anniversary when I found out about this other woman.

A week ago, we had a fight. It was over a simple thing. Our team will have a dinner and I texted him that I need to attend. Our boss from Australia came to visit so everyone has to go. I told him that there might be a little alcohol but he does not need to worry about it because I won't drink, but if they ask me to take a shot or a couple, it will not make me drunk. He knew how much alcohol I can take and so far, in our thirteen years, I never really got drunk nor tipsy. This went for a week. We never talked nor say Hi or Hello to each other. Until September 23 came. So I said to myself, someone has to say something since the fight is just over a silly thing.

I posted something on Facebook, how lucky I am, that we are going to celebrate our 13th year Anniversary that day and so on.

I was never a jealous type of person. I trust him so much. My trust for him is stronger than I trust myself.

And then I found out. I would not mention how, because its going to be a long story. I saw their pictures, I knew their anniversary date, where they go and checked in. Yes, everything was in detail.

You couldn't imagine the pain I went through at that moment, knowing these things on your anniversary date.

And so a lot of memories flashed back, a lot of things went through in my mind, questions I wanted to be answered right there and then.

I asked myself, why? What did I do to deserve this?

When I found out, he's in the office. He works in a call center so he works at night. That was the longest night I had in my entire life. I waited for him. I can't sleep, nor eat, nor drink.

He was supposed to be at home at 9am, but he wasn't. Out of my impatience, agony and pain, I texted him.

"I already know why you are so inspired to go to work everyday. That you can't even go on leave for us."

I never received a reply. The pain I had was like someone punched a hole in my chest. I can't breathe and I literally cried the entire long night. I smoked countless number of cigarettes.

He arrived at 2pm. I was in our room. The look on his eyes wanted to play innocent like he wasn't able to read my text. So I started the conversation.

"Why? Why did you do this to me?"

He did not utter a single word yet. I waited but still no word. He just kept on doing things he does, putting down his bag, his things, opened his cabinet like he's going to change clothes, and pretending he does not hear me. As if I wasn't talking to him.

"I already know everything. Why? Why did you do it? Why do you have to pretend that everything was okay, that we were okay? Why would you do sex with me when you can get the pleasure with someone else? What have I done for you to treat me like shit?"

Tears rolled down my face as if I didn't cry all night. I got surprised with the amount of fluid that came out from me. I feel like I'm being drained slowly.

He didn't say a word. He sat beside me and I knew he is now ready to talk. So I let him.

Yes, their affair is going on for two years. What he said to the girl was we were not okay anymore. We were just living together for the sake of our son. That we were just civil.

He lied to everyone including his parents and siblings. Yes he lied and destroyed my name. While he's busy doing that, I made him my world.

I worked like a horse for us to cope with our daily necessities and to have extra for us to spend time together as a family. My daily routine would be work-home and nothing else. I turned my back to my friends because he's jealous of them.

Now I got left with nothing, with no one. I only have myself. But I don't know myself anymore. All I have was gone. In just a snap.

Lesson? Don't turn your back on your friends especially the real ones. Never! Because at some point they are the ones who will help you go through your worst times.

While we were in the middle of our conversation, my aunt called. She said that my mom was diagnosed with a stage 2 cancer. How lucky can I get right? The best days I have!

At that moment, I felt like I just want to be gone. I just want to stop the pain with any way I can. Hopeless, devastated and the pain was beyond imaginable. I just wanted my heart to stop beating and me to stop breathing.
I have to deal with these things all at once. And I never know where I can get the strength for me to endure the pain, the sadness.

I posted numerous quotes on Facebook just to let the overflowing of pain that is in me.

Everyone knows about it except me. Everyone knows but not even a single person told him to remember us, his own family. Not even, his mom who happened to be a Christian, who actively share the word of God, reminded him about what he's doing.

I got no one. I got nothing. I felt like I'm nothing and I just occupy space in this world that didn't have any worth.