Why Me?

Fixing me...

       Something was wrong with me, i needed to change and to fix myself, way easier said then done. I started drinking and smoking more regularly then usual and its because when i get that way i'm not able to feel any if the pain... Everything goes away .... So a story abut fixing myself pretty much starts in 4th grade, my dad was and still is a very abusive parent. No matter what i did or how hard i tried i could never do enough, he always criticized me and made me feel like shit, he was my biggest "bully".  After awhile i began slitting my wrists or "cutting" only at the age of 10, i then became suicidal and one day my bipolar depression disorder caused me to go into a panick where i felt like my whole world just needed to stop, i didnt feel welcome or wanted anymore. It took 45 seconds for me to make an executive decision that i was gonna end it all before i could even turn eleven, and i tried as hard as i could but i was rescued by my sister who was 17 at the time.... Later that week i was put into a mental institution in Dallas where it was very strict, that became my home for about a year. Being released was one of the biggest days in my life, things were fine when i got out because i had come so far in overcoming my disorder, everything up until recently. So that girl i mentioned pippy well um shes got a friend named Guru, i guess him and i are okay now but our friendship is very weird... Anywho guru of course wants to step in and umm pippy and him begin to like each other, of course this didnt fly with me so i tried to like i guess weasel my way into their equation if you know what i mean. Can you blame me though i got jealous, ya as youll see in this book jealousy causes alot of my problems whoopsies...