Why Me?

Febuary 5 2016

Its so confusing because i know what i want to say but i dont know how to word it or where to start.. Im a really jealous person, i get jealous easy and when i do it typically isnt a good thing because i want to be alone for a while and i get really angry and all of this stuff... Well something happened that had to do with pippy and guru.. not much else to say about that because you can probably guess that i was pissed, jealous,mad, and just generally upset. But i didnt show it, i texted the both of them and acted perfectly fine, see thats the thing ive gotten amazing at faking everything.. If you know me then u know im a generally a happy, annoying, hyper, crazy person. Alot of people come to me for advice and i dont mind helping out at all.. but then again im going through all of this shit myself and i dont know how to help myself... What im about to say is a little rough because i have amazing friends who love and care about me and i know that they would be mad if they saw this. Most of the time im either high or drunk which makes me the way i am.. i might be that way as im writing this i dont remember honestly.. My mom goes out alot, i dont have a dad, my stepdad left, i belive my friends know whats going on but i dont think they know how deep it goes... Ive tried to just have a sit down with pippy so many times because ive been holding everything in about my situation..i just need somebody thats gonna sit and listen because i feel like breaking down everytime i see her cause shes the only one i truly trust.. After everything else that is going on we found out two days agp that my mom was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer.. i just dont know how much more i can handle.. all of this is getting thrown at me with a pitch of fucking 1,000,000 miles an hour..im crying just writing this, i need pippy there and of course i know she is but i need to sit and have a heart to heart with her because i cant hold anything in anymore.. if i do im not gonna be able to make it because im losng everyone, i cant loose pippy and i cant lose my mom.. they are the only women in my life that i love.. i just cant