Free Fall. // l.r.h.

Step 1: Do As You're Told

She always asked me if I was scared about the future. As if my twin sister didn't know how I felt about the unknown majority of our lives. I remember the first time she asked me; we were laying out on the creaky shingles of our little house on Rhododendron Avenue on the night of our 14th birthday when her tear-burdened green eyes met my wandering brown ones. Daddy used to tell us, back before he died, that he and Mama must've stolen the world's best emeralds and onyx to make twins with eyes like ours. I always just thought my eyes were plain brown. But at Daddy's funeral I swore to make sure those emeralds were never filled with tears. I guess I failed.
"Lindsey."
She looked back at me. "Hm?"
"What's wrong?"
She looked away, blinking rapidly. "Are... Are you scared about the future?"
I furrowed my eyebrows. "I suppose, a little. Are you?"
She nodded immediately.
I sat up. "Lindsey, you're the co-valedictorian of the 8th grade."
She shrugged. "So are you."
"See? We've got nothing to worry about."
"That's not going to stop me from worrying."
Now it's our senior year. And we're still co-valedictorians.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I can't help falling in lo--"
Lindsey grabbed the neck of my guitar. "Harp, I've heard this stupid song for three hours straight."
I frowned at her. "Two and a half," I said, taking the strap off my neck.
Lindsey glanced at the clock. "Shoot, I forgot it was Tuesday. We're gonna be late if we don't get the kids buckled up soon."
I nodded, starting my walk down the short hall to Maggie's room.
Mama has meetings before work every Tuesday, which leaves Lindsey and I to take the family's faded blue minivan to drop off Maggie and Eli at their elementary school. That certainly helped our popularity. Because we weren't teased enough for being "nerds" or "geek freaks", now we get to add that sputtering old van to the list of things against us.
As I pulled the minivan out of the driveway, Maggie stared through the tinted windows at our neighbor, Luke, as he stepped off his porch towards his new car. "It's a nice car, huh Mags?" Lindsey said, glancing at our sister in the mirror.
She nodded. "I wish we had a car like that."
Lindsey sighed. "College costs a lot. Mama has to save up for us."
Eli piped up. "I bet Daddy would get that car for us." That little boy idolized the man he barely knew.
"I bet he would," Lindsey said. "I bet he would."
"Pretty Boy doesn't deserve that car anyway," I grumbled.
Lindsey punched my shoulder. "Harper!"
"Oh come on, Linds, you know just as well as I do that Luke Hemmings gets everything handed to him."
     "As I recall, you two used to be friends."
     "As I recall, it's not ok to butt your head into my business."
     "Harp, we've shared a bedroom for 18 years. Your business is my business." I remained silent.
When we arrived at the preschool, Lindsey leaned in close to me. "I'll take the kids in, Harper," she whispered. "Take your medicine." I bit my lip, gazing down to take notice of my thumbs repeatedly shaking and drumming onto the sides of the steering wheel. I lowered my hands into my lap and nodded at my sister.
This summer Mama decided my anxiety was getting out of hand and "may affect my learning", as she put it. The doctor told me to take some pills to take to make it better. And I do as I'm told.
Only Lindsey knows that the pills create little terrors in my mind. I've seen what pills do. Daddy used to love his pills. Mama used to hate his pills. And I would ask him, "Daddy, why do you have those pills? Are you sick?"
"No, sweet pea." And he'd spit his tobacco. "Sometimes this little orange bottle makes me do bad things. But I can't ever seem to loosen my grip enough to let go."
I always kept a loose hand around the bottle. My Mama always begged me not to end up like my father. Here today, gone tomorrow.
But I couldn't leave. They'd fall apart. More than I was.