Free Fall. // l.r.h.

Step 13: Cry Out

     Another mundane Monday morning. Another 7 hours in a confined brick building that smelled like what could best be described as food poisoning and paste. I made my daily trek from the second wing towards the downstairs computer lab when a gruff voice caught my attention.
     "Harper Matthews," it demanded, summoning me to spin around on my heels and begin wondering why the voice invoked suck a sense of fear inside me. My question was answered all too soon when my gazed locked upon a set of silvery gray eyes piercing through me.
     I felt all the breath escape from my lungs as my lips spoke his name, shrill to the ears like nails on a chalkboard. "Jace?" My heart was pounding. What does he want with me? His long strides dissolved the distance I was clinging to. "H-how... Why are you back here? Luke's suspension doesn't end for another three days."
He raised an eyebrow. "Is that so?" Sarcasm dripped from his parted lips. He pushed my backwards into the boys bathroom where we were away from the sights of any teacher who could walk by. "You see, no one saw me start a fight. No, no, I was having a simple conversation with you about whatever they think I was talking to you about, and out of nowhere Hemmings just sacked me into a locker. Naturally, I fought back. But even that couldn't save me from a few cracked bones." I remained silent, calming the twirls of my heart leaping inside of my chest. "Look at me when I'm talking to you!" he screamed, jerking my head up hard enough I heard my neck crack.
"W-what do you want, Jace?"
"Justice."
My mind raced, trying to comprehend what he was saying.
"Don't play the victim here, Matthews. You walk around all high and mighty when you're not. You're not better. You're not even good. You're not enough, and you know it. Go on and say it. Say it!"
I twisted my face away. "Why are you doing this?"
"Come on, Matthews. Spill. Spill. Let out all those little demons inside of you. Tell the whole world just how screwed up you really are." I squeezed my eyes shut. "There it is. It's already begun."
Jace was right. I was spilling. Like when Maggie leaves the tap running for too long when she fills up the bathtub at night. Like the unpaid bills stuffed into the bottom cabinet in the kitchen. Like that night on the rooftop with Luke. Like the tears brimming my eyes. I was spilling, each word and thought bubbling up over each other and drenching the atmosphere.
Tears began streaming down my face. "Spill what?" I shouted. "That I couldn't even keep my parents from running away? That my ten year old sister has night terrors because of it? That my whole family is falling apart and I can't bear the weight? That I'm so scared of losing Luke because without him I'm sure I'll collapse? That I am so close to an anxiety attack at this very moment that I can't even move my feet to run away or to leave or to get to class? Is that what you want to hear?" I bit my quivering lip. "I hope you're happy. Because I'm done."
Jace grinned, pushing me into the wall. "And all of that is your fault," he whispered as he briskly shuffled away.
I dropped to my hands and knees, tears pooling around me.
"Alright," I screamed at the reflection staring back at me in the streaky mirror hanging on the wall. "Hello? God? Are you listening? Look, God, I don't know how to do this... But if you're listening, if you're even there... Everyone who was supposed to be there for me is gone. And Lindsey is breaking. And I'm broken. I don't know what else to do, okay?" I was torn apart inside, my thoughts strewn out on the floor. "Do you hear me?" I was screaming. At a God I wasn't even sure was real.
And all at once it was silent. And I heard three words. Three words that both broke me and stitched my seams together at the same time. Three words that I clung to.
I will restore.
Three words gave me a faint new sliver of hope I thought I'd never find.
He will restore.