Free Fall. // l.r.h.

Step 11: Accept Blame

Trigger Warning.

My mirror of a sister bounded into our room with Eli on her back and dark circles under her eyes. She set him down, and he scampered out of the room to most likely find Maggie. "I'm taking the kids to the park. Want to come?" she asked, plopping down on her unmade bed.
I scrunched my face. "You're wearing a long sleeve shirt to the park?"
Her face fell as she slowly pulled the ends of her sleeves over her hands. "Yes?" Her words came as more of a question than an answer.
"It's August, Linds. It's nearly ninety degrees outside; won't you be burning up?"
She looked down at the floor, shaking her head. "No," she said softly.
I lightly tread closer to her. I cocked an eyebrow when she refused eye contact. For a moment, it was dead silent. "Show me your wrist," I whispered. She shook her head, biting her lip. "Show it to me."
"I should go."
As she turned to leave, I grabbed her arm and pulled her sleeve up. Dark gashes graffitied the beauty of my sister's porcelain skin. Outlined in blood was the emptied contents of Lindsey's dark veins. My eyes grew wide as I looked to her eyes, searching for an explanation.
"Let go of me!" she screamed, throwing me backwards into my bed.
"You relapsed," I murmured inaudibly.
She nodded, tears forming in her eyes. "You shouldn't have seen this. I... I have to go."
"Why?" She started taking long strides towards the door. "Lindsey!" She stopped.
"Because if I was a better daughter, Mama and Daddy would've stayed. If I was a better sister, Eli wouldn't be bullied at school because his clothes are dirty. If I was a better student, I wouldn't be losing the spot of valedictorian. If I was better, we'd all be okay."
I stared down at the ground for a while. "Lindsey, I--"
"I don't need your pity. This is what I deserve."
"No, it's not. You deserve more than anything. You were left. We all were. None of that is your fault. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine."
She jerked her head up. "What do you mean it's yours?"
I swallowed my pride and looked deep into her emerald eyes. "There's something I didn't tell you. The night before Mama and Daddy ran away, I was on the rooftop."
She rolled her eyes. "You always are."
"But I heard them talking. And Mama was crying. And Daddy said 'Harper was right. I never should've come back.' He said I was right."
I watched as the sorrow in her eyes quickly turned to disgust. "You?" she spat. "This is your fault. You made him leave. And he took Mama with him. You made him leave. If you weren't so full of yourself and realized that you got your father back, maybe our family wouldn't be torn in pieces right now."
"Lindsey, are you hearing yourself? I didn't make him leave."
"Yes you did!"
"What about taking our mother from us? Did I make him do that? What about being on those pills his whole life? What about faking his own death? What about everything he's done to ruin our lives? Is any of that really  my fault?"
"I hate you," she whispered as the door slammed shut behind her.