Notes and Kisses

Doce

Doce

It’s just those times when you realized that not everything you thought of, were the ones that would happen to you. The feeling was just like a bomb that blasted instantly without a warning. It was a great feeling, of course, but I think only for the first time. It’s just a matter of time when I would get to the point where I think, I’d given up.

                 Love. What’s that word even mean? Did I dare feel that emotion? Apparently, yes. And it kind of sucks to know that the ones you cared for, were the ones who would stab you from behind and make fun of you. But wait… Did they make fun of me? No, Carter, they didn’t, my very helpful mind answered for me.

                 Why did I even get angry at the two of them? I think it’s just because of the intense emotion… anger, sadness, disappointment, anything. But would I get over at the fact that the two guys who likes me joined together just to get closer to me? They had a reason to do that. But the thing was, why couldn’t they just man up? Face me. Ask me out. Was that even too hard for them to do?

                 Sometimes I think that love was the worst feeling I ever felt. But most of the time, I think it was the greatest.

                 My phone had been ringing for quite some time now. After that incident at the park, I didn’t go to school. I feigned sick so that mom would allow me to stay at home. She didn’t ask me what’s wrong.

                 When I got home that day, she was sitting on the swing-chair on the porch while doing her crochet. I ran in swift motion inside the house but she caught up with me by the staircase and saw me crying. I hadn’t told them about what happened yet, and I didn’t think I could tell it to them.

                 It’s a week after that day. Mom asked me if I would go to school today but I said no. I still need like... two or three days more? She wanted to know what happened, actually. But everytime she would ask me, I always avoid her question and divert it to a different one.

                 I picked the annoying gadget, turned it off and put it inside my drawer. There. For sure, no one would dare call me again.

                 And just like before…

                 I thought wrong again.

                  “Carter, you have visitors,” mom said when she opened my door. She half-smiled at me, and through that, I was able to know that those “visitors” were the people I had been avoiding.

                  “Mom, can you just… tell them to go? I don’t want to deal with their dramas. I’m sick,” I said before I went under my blanket. I couldn’t face them yet. A week was not enough to get over something like that. I needed more days… maybe even months, or years. I don’t know. But I knew for sure, that I wasn’t ready yet.

                  “But Carter, they are like… here, everyday… hoping to talk to you. Can you just please get down there and face them? They are your—”

                  “Mom, don’t even say that word. They are not my friends. Never was, never is, never will be,” I retorted.

                 But she’s my mom, and she knew what’s best for me. She went to sit on my bed, putting her arms around my shoulder. “You know, even if you don’t call those people downstairs as your friend, for them, you are. Do you think they will be here everyday if they don’t treat you as a friend? Think about it. There’s only few people in this world that does that.” She smiled at me. “And you’re lucky to have some of those few people.”