A Wish Upon A Shooting Star

Nearly Lost You

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I went outside and sat on the steps of the bus, I smoked a whole pack of cigarettes waiting for Sammi to bring her back. (When Jinxx felt I had sat in my panicked state, torturing myself long enough, he text Sammi to return.)

I sat there for what seemed like forever mentally beating myself up. How could I have done that to her! My sweet, loving baby, she'll never forgive me! I KNOW it's over and I wouldn't blame her if she left me. God, I want to die!

I lifted my head and saw them returning; I jumped up and ran over to them. "Andy, Stop!", Sammi ordered and I didn't move.

"Sammi, it's alright. I have something to say to Andy, can you give us a minute?", Amanda asked.

Sammi continued towards the bus and I just stared...the bruises!...my eyes filling with tears.

"Andy, stop worrying, I still love you, what happened doesn't change that; actually you scared me more than you hurt me. You're going to have to deal with us staying apart for a while, until I feel comfortable being next to you again. Do you understand?", she asked firmly.

"Yes, I'm sor...", she didn't let me finish.

"Good.", she said and walked to the bus. I turned around to look at her. My Amanda, what have I done? I'd give my life to take it all back, if it would make the hurt go away. All I wanted to do was keep you safe and happy, and I'm the monster who did it to you.

I stayed outside and walked around for a while, pondering the consequences of my actions and what I could do to make everything better for her. When I returned to the bus I asked Sammi where she was.

"She took a shower and went to bed. She's in your bunk, so don't bother her!", she answered then continued, "Andy, how could you have done that to her? She loves you so much".

"Sammi, I don't know! Jinxx told me everything but I hardly remember any of it, just a flash is all... Somebody said something about Ben making a move on her. I looked over and became so enraged with jealousy, after that everything went black. That's all I remember."

We had a concert to do that night, but I didn't want to leave her in case she needed me; I had Sammi check on her by asking if she was going to watch the show.
She heard sniffling, "No, you go ahead, I'm staying here"; Sam turned to me and shook her head 'no'.

After the concert I went back to the bus, I just didn't like her being there alone. When the guys finished signing autographs, we got on the road.

On the first day Amanda stayed in bed, she wouldn't even get up to eat; then that night she had a bad dream and cried out for Jinxx. He laid beside her, comforting her, until she fell asleep. It was Jinxx she wanted, she never once called out for me.

The following days were long and seemed never ending, Amanda would only come out of the bunk for short periods of time.
When she did she stayed completely covered, even in this heat; loose jeans and a big baggy hoodie, to which she kept the hood pulled low over her head.
After she would get her food, she would sit quietly eating and as far away from me as she could get. When we got our chances to smoke, she would wait for me to get off the bus first, then she would exit and walk the opposite direction.

I was slowly loosing my mind, I wanted to hold her and pet her and try to make everything alright; but she didn't want me.

It was in the afternoon when we arrive at our next stop, we all got out and walked around a little.
I watched Amanda walk the perimeter of the lot while she chain smoked, then return to the bus; I took a chance to see if she would talk to me.

When  I came in she was already in the shower, so I waited for her in the back room; I knew she would come in there to put her stuff away. I wasn't expecting her to come in not dressed and she wasn't expecting to see me neither; she jerked the towel from her head and held it in front of her, "Andy, get out!".

I just stood there, she was covered in bruises; besides her wrists, neck, and mouth which were visible, there were many more on her chest and the inside of her thighs.

I dropped to the floor pleading with her, "Baby, I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry! You know I'd rather die than hurt you! Please! Please, forgive me! I'll never do it again!".

I watched her eyes fill with tears as she came over and stroked my hair, "Oh Andy, I forgave you when you did it. I knew you were drunk and I told Jinxx not to say anything; I wanted to deal with it in my own way. It's just... I didn't want you to see me like this".

I stood up, wrapped my arms around her and whispered in her ear, "I promise, for as long as I live, I'll never hurt you again".

True to his word, he's never done anything like that again; he has shown beyond doubt that he is my protector.

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Listening to Nearly Lost You by the Screaming Trees