A Wish Upon A Shooting Star

Without You

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The summer is now over, the tour ended and we're back at the BVB house. I like being in my own room with my own bathroom, (I mean, yeah I share it with Andy but it's a lot better than sharing it with the whole damn band! LOL) and the transition from bus bunk back to a real bed is so nice.

It's wonderful waking up in Andy's arms every morning, he's so warm and cuddly, and listening to his heart beat makes me feel so alive! We spend most of our free time together and with Sammi and the guys too, of course!

The band is already back in the studio working on their fourth album; I guess there really is 'no rest for the weary'.

When we're not together I basically sit around doing nothing; I'll clean, write, draw, watch TV, etc. as long as I'm entertained and my OCD like tendencies of perfection keeps any of those minute tasks drawn out for hours. So it's all good!

On one of those boring days after I finished cleaning the whole house, I looked around patting myself on the back for a job well done. Everything's perfect! Actually my life's perfect. I love an amazing man and he loves me! We're free to take on the world and nothing's going to stop us!, I thought.

Boy, was I WRONG!

~~~TWO WEEKS LATER~~~

I woke up this morning, after Andy and the guys left for the studio, not feeling so good; my stomach is spinning and my throat is tightening up. I jump out of bed and make a mad dash to the toilet; I was throwing my guts up!

I finished and sat back on the floor to catch my breath, when a light bulb went off in my head. "Nooo! NoNoNoNoNo! Not THAT!", I worried aloud. I did some mental calculations... "OH GOD!". I've been so wrapped up in the excitement of a new romance that "Mother Nature" had totally slipped my mind.

I ran back to the bedroom, threw on some clothes, grabbed my keys, and sped to the store. I returned with a pregnancy test, did the deed, and waited for the results.

I paced the floor, "God no! Please no! Let it be negative, PLEASE!", I prayed.

[BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!] The timer I set went off. I walked into the bathroom, took a deep breath then looked at it. [+]

My heart sank, "Oh God no, I can't tell Andy this! Not now, not when he's got so much going on as it is! What am I going to do?".

I spent hours pondering that question when the answer finally came to me, "I'll leave!
In mere moments I had a plan, Kat moved here just a month ago and Andy doesn't know that.

I packed all my things and hid them in the trunk of my car; I wrote him a letter and hid it under the edge of the bed. I got 'prettied up' and waited for Andy to come home, to set the rest of my plan in motion.

It was later than usual when he arrived, he showered and got into bed. We began making out and I did everything in my power to get him 'excited'; it worked and we made love for hours. When we finished, Andy snuggled up to me and before he fell asleep he whispered, "I love you".

I, on the other hand, laid there silently, letting the tears pour from my eyes. I knew this was the last time I would ever feel his arms around me, his warm breath on my neck, or his heartbeat pounding in my ear. I finally dozed off to sleep.

I awoke before dawn; I pulled the letter from under the mattress, placed it on the nightstand, and walked out the door.

ANDY'S POV:

It took us forever to finish up some recordings. I came in late, showered, and crawled into bed. Amanda turned to me and started kissing my neck, she hit that one spot that wakes EVERYTHING up. Before I knew it we were making love, long, slow, passionate love.

WOW! She must have really missed me! When we finished, I wrapped my arms around her and murmured, "I love you."

"I love you too Andy, so much!", I heard as I fell asleep.

When I woke up the bed was empty, "Amanda?", I called, no answer. I sat up looking around and saw a letter sitting on the nightstand, I grabbed it and read...

My dearest Andy,

Before I start, I want to make sure you know...I DO love you, more than life itself and don't ever forget that!

But I found out something about myself that wouldn't be fair to make you suffer with, not now, not at this point in your life.

You have so much going for you, a successful band and a million fans that adore you, it's everything you've always dreamed of. All you need to make it complete is the one thing I'm giving you now... your freedom, you don't need me holding you back.

We had our fun and I wouldn't trade a moment of knowing and loving you for anything in the world; but it's time for me to go. And please don't waste your time looking for me, because you won't find me.

And again, I LOVE YOU! I always have and I always will. It's for you that I'm leaving, so I want you to be happy; just know I'm taking a piece of you with me and you'll be forever in my heart.

Goodbye, my savior, Amanda

P.S. Smile fondly when you think back at the time we shared together, because that's how I will remember you.

"OH FUCK!", I screamed; I threw on some pants, and ran through the house yelling her name. The guys jumped from their seats and exited their rooms, "What is it?".
I handed Jinxx the letter and he read it aloud while I paced the floor worried; when he finished Ash asked, "What happened?".

"I don't know! She was so happy when we went to bed then I woke up and she was gone! I've got to find her!"

We spent the whole day and all night looking, checking everywhere we could think of; but L.A. is huge and we just couldn't find her. The guys eventually went home but I kept searching, I can't give up now.

I came in around noon the next day; "You didn't find her did you?", Jinxx asked, he had waited up for me.

"No, I'm going to get a few hours sleep then I'm going back out."

"Andy, she doesn't want you to find her. I don't know what made her want to leave, but she's gone.", he said flatly. I didn't want to hear it.

I walked upstairs and fell on the bed, I couldn't sleep; before long I had worried myself sick and ran to the bathroom. I washed my face off and stared into the mirror, "Oh baby, where are you?" I wondered.

I reached for a towel and knocked my brush off the counter, it nearly landed in the trash. I reached down to pick it up, and that's when I saw it... the pregnancy test. I grabbed it and saw the plus sign, then dropped to the floor. "OH GOD NO!", I cried out.

Jinxx heard the noise and ran up to check on me, "Andy, you okay?".

"I-I know why she left.", I said holding the stick up in the air.

"Damn Andy, she didn't tell you?"

"No, not a word.", I sighed.

"Well, that explains the letter. She didn't want you thinking you were stuck with her just because of a baby.", he assumed.

"Jinxx, I'll find her! I swear to God I will!"

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Listening to Without You by Motley Crue