DIRTY LAUNDRY

you

idk what happened to you
idk where you are.

all I know is that, things haven't been the same and I don't like that
I am not the one to blame
your the one who never texts back.

this is not suppose to be a poem
just a release of all the feelings I have bottled up inside 
you mean something to me
and if I ever denied it I lied

write a poem, you told me 
and I didn't know it would happen this soon
but all it took was a hotel room, two days ,and a couple of red eye phone calls to lead me to my doom

I'm not emotionally stable
and my face is not physically able to hide my calamity 
let me get to the point a joint cant mend this 
and a "hey babe" or "hey boo" just confuses the hell out of me 
so before I start procuring some feelings for someone whose not going to do anything but unconsciously hurt me

I need to know what we're doing here
I need to know what direction we are going 
towards
I need you to let me know so I can steer 
I need you to be honest with me 
I need to stop being sensitive and shedding tears over a guy I only been talking to for a month

don't you see this is why i didn't want to have sex
because I knew it would bring me here 
at 12:14am in the darkness
with the glow of this notes application motivating me to keep my eyes open 
my eyes are wide open enough but....

I don't want to think of you as the same 
I don't want the thought of your existence to bring silence and pain
I want to smile and laugh again 
and say "well damn if we don't work out well at least I got a friend"
but at least you had the chance to bend my rules

I told myself "make him wait essie"my alter ego responded "but hey he got a room , wtf you think you about to do "I said "you know he go tell his friends"it said "well hey let the gossip begin"//E.B.