Poppy Child

Thoughts Are Like Clouds

At about six o'clock I gave up trying to sleep and trying to think of happy memories so I decided to take a walk. I knew nobody would be around, which was good because I didn't want to look at anybody, let alone talk to them. 

I walked through the field, I knew exactly where I was going, I didn't really want to see the crime scene but I had to go, just to re-assure myself that the events of yesterday were real. It still didn't feel real, I still hadn't done anything normal, like cried or fallen to my knees in despair like mum did, I just felt numb.

When I got to the police tape which read "CRIME SCENE DO NOT CROSS", which bordered where I had found Maisy, all I could see was notes  and other mysterious objects I had never seen before. I checked that there was no one around, and climbed over the police tape, I walked around the mysterious objects that surrounded where I found Maisy, laying cold on the ground. 

Even now I still wonder if Maisy is up there, in the clouds, in her little heaven. Full of animals and sweets and all her childish fairy tales. Fairy tales aren't real though, is there such a thing as a happy ending? Do we ever walk over the hill into the sunset? No. It's all fantasy that we wish was real, but I'd like to think that if Maisy was in heaven or wherever you go when you die that she has her fairy tale, flying unicorns and fairies. Or whatever else she was into when she was little.

It was horrible to think, that at that time yesterday I was sound asleep, dreaming, all whilst Maisy was was being stabbed, over and over again. She might have even screamed my name, but I just couldn't hear her. I was so close, I wish I'd taken an early walk that morning, if I had I might have been there to save her, or she might have gotten away whilst I fought the murderer. It was also a horrible thought to think that I was standing in the exact spot where the killer stood, it made my blood run cold.

I couldn't stay there any longer, I kept re-playing what might have happened. 

So, I ran.

And ran.

I didn't know where I was going, but it was away from there.

I jogged into town and came across our corner shop, ah the good old corner shop I thought. I walked in and said hi to Chris, the store owner, and walked around to the back where the chilled drinks were. I completely forgot I had no money, but I needed a drink really badly my throat felt as if it was closing up. 

I didn't want to go back to old habits..

I couldn't.

But I did. 

I took the bottle of Coke out of the small fridge and slid it into the inside pocket of my jacket. I turned and began to walk out of the shop, I told Chris that I was simply checking if they had some drinks in stock for when my mum came down later. He obviously hadn't heard about my sister. 

When I was about thirteen maybe fourteen I used to steal. A lot. It became an addiction, I know that sounds crazy but it was, I felt empty if I didn't steal. But one day when I was in the local town, which was big compared to what I was used to, I was with a few friends, they knew I stole but they thought I stole because I had no money. We went into some stupid clothing store and I.... stupidly thought I could steal from there. I didn't even want the t-shirt, I just wanted to take it, I knew I'd never wear it. We walked out of the shop and the alarms started beeping, I started to walk away, hoping they thought it was someone else but a security guard grabbed my arm after a few steps and asked me if I had taken anything. I sighed, I'd only been caught once before but all I'd stolen was a packet of gummy bears. A t-shirt was a lot more serious. I didn't answer and let him drag me back to the shop and search my bag, my friends dragged behind and only Mickey went back into the shop with me. They got the t-shirt out of my bag and started lecturing me, I just said sorry at the right moments and some crap about never doing it again. Then they started talking about the police and that's when I got worried. I got slightly scared and said some more crap about never doing it again. So they simply asked for my home phone number and address so they could have a word with my mum, of course I knew better than to give them my real number and address. I gave them a made up number and address. Mum couldn't find out or she'd kill me.

As me and Mickey were walking out of the shop I saw them ringing the number but it must have come up with an incorrect number, they turned around and started shouting as we walked out of the door. I quickly looked back and saw the stupid security guard running towards us so I shouted "RUN GUYS RUN", and that's just what we did, we ran and we ran. Into the middle of town until I was pretty sure that the guard had given up. We decided to go back to the village early, to hang out at the skate park. It seemed like a safer option.

Of course neither mum or Maisy ever found out.

Anyway, I got out the shop and felt pretty guilty but I couldn't change that. I walked to the woods and sat down by the river. It was a cool morning but the sun was blazing down, keeping me warm. I sat there for about three hours, just staring at the winding river, I only saw a few people in those few hours. Not many people walked through the woods, they found it creepy.. There was a rumour about a witch that lived there, all the kids believe it. I did at one point, it was just something fun to believe in, something that made our little village a little bit special. Kids were warned to stay out the woods though, someone got murdered there about a year after we moved into our house. Everyone found out about it, apparently a mad old man raped and killed a sixteen year old girl. Apparently he hung her and left her. I don't know if it's true, it might have just been a stupid rumour. 

Anyway, I sat there for hours and let my thoughts take over my mind, thoughts are like clouds, they take over your mind and you can't help but get swalowed up in them. They didn't make me sad, or happy. They left me feeling numb. It felt like nothing, pure nothing-ness.