Unpretty

Unpretty - 3

 My hands stopped in midair.  Instead of lifting it so I can see my face, I slowly placed it on my lap.

I sat still with the mirror in my hands.  I was inside my head contemplating. 

Do I really want to see myself?

I wanted to.. that’s for sure, but not with this horrid face.

I was scared.

I sat staring at the blank wall. Oblivious to what they  keep telling me.

There were Irregularities.  We encountered a series of problems with your bone structure.   Results will be indefinite.  If we had pushed for the operation, the result would’ve been fatal.  It wasn’t a failed operation, we still managed to get something done.  We're very sorry.  We know how you feel.

Them and their long explanations with their fake sympathies.  I didn’t want any of it.

All I know is that I'm stuck with this face I despised.

I was scared.

More than that, I was mad.

But what's the point in prolonging the agony?

This is my face.. I have to see it.

And so with trembling hands, I slowly lifted the mirror so I can see my  face.

For a moment I just stared..

I didn't know how to react for there was nothing to react about. Really.

Only little was changed..

The shape of my eyes are now different. Much smaller. Better.

And my lips are not that disfigured anymore. The slight puffiness of it was gone too.

Atleast these are the ones I immediately noticed.

But my brows are still menacingly arched in the same way..

my ears remain too small for my face and my cheeks are still puffy.

Only my lips and my eyes were touched but the rest of my face remained the same.

The shape of my face remained the same. Disfigured. Odd.

I couldn't decide if I looked better or if the reconstruction made me look worse than i already was.

I continued to stare at myself in the mirror.

This is me now.. with a less horrid face as the doctors were implying.

 I waited for this all my life.  I endured every agonizing moment and it was all for nothing.

I'm still a horrible looking creature with no chance at normalcy at all.

We know how you feel.  

Really? You do? Do you have a face like mine? Do you hate yourself when you see your face in the mirror? Do you wake up every morning and wish you just died in your sleep? 

At that moment I just wanted to break the mirror and stab them in the face.

I felt a sinking feeling as i realized that my one chance, my one hope is lost to me forever.

No chance at normalcy at all.

This is me now.. with a less horrid face..

but it was still horrid.