Unpretty

Unpretty - 6

I sit back, let out a sigh and let go of the nervousness I feel. 

Walking along my apartment’s lobby and my floor’s corridor is not an easy thing for me. 

It always felt like I’m constantly escaping from something.

And I always felt that someone seeing me is tantamount to me dying.

I live alone in an apartment situated in a nice neighborhood.  I share the floor with three other people I barely know and see. 

I have lived here for two years but I have never been close to anyone. 

Blame it on my horrid face and my low self esteem. 

My job? Well a web designer doesn’t require going out and meeting people face to face. 

In fact I stay at home to work. I talk to people by e-mail or telephone. 

Technology is my ally.

 All I need are my precious computers and the money becomes no problem for me. 

I’ve made everything necessary to at least fit in and live all these years.

 Somehow I’ve felt comfortable enough with the way I live but then who wants to live a solitary life and be forever in hiding?

Certainly not me. 

Inside my apartment I waste no time.

I fire up my computers and search the list of top facilities for face surgery.

Time is important and wasting it is a luxury I cannot afford.

 I keep on searching until I’ve found something.  A center not far away from here.

I immediately read the information given and copied it to my computer. I request for an appointment that is 3 days from now.

And then as an afterthought, I search for other 2 institutes and schedule an appointment as well.

 With everything settled, I open my e-mail and check for messages; all from work and one from my sister.

 Yes, a sister. 

The only family left. 

You see, I’m not some pitiful creature with no family at all.  I have one just like you but I chose to leave and never come back. 

I had a family but I never felt a part of it.  Our beliefs never matched up and I grew up always defeated.

 I had them around me but I’ve always been alone.

So I left and lived alone, literally. 

The last time I came home was on my parent’s funeral.

Now you have to understand that I’m alone not because everyone left me;

I’m alone because I choose to be one.