All the Wrong Reasons

All the Wrong Reasons - Part 1

I knew I had made the wrong decision as soon as I opened the gate into the Calloway’s porch. Of course my friends had been invited to the biggest college party of the year. I, myself had not been directly asked to attend, but apparently the  ‘bring any fit ladies’ clause somehow applied to me.

Trailing behind my friends, I wondered why on God’s green Earth I hadn’t of thought of an excuse and refused, as I had been doing for the better part of the year. Realistically I knew it was because my excuses were becoming repetitive, and the patience of my friends was wearing thin.

There had always been the four of them; inseparable from the minute they had met in first grade. I had dubbed us ‘The Fantastic Four’ as we always managed to pull through anything together.

“Come on, Evelyn! You don’t want to be lost at your first party!  I’m telling you now - the garden is always where it’s at.” Interrupting my musings was our blonde bombshell Jamie.

She had already attended parties hosted by those who were in the year above, if not older. I wasn’t surprised she had been invited, standing at five foot eleven; the girl was a grown up Barbie. Literally. Long legs, slim waist, flat stomach and an empty head. Jamie was never one to find DNA replication interesting, but rather the latest scandal of who slept with who. However, the four of us knew it was because, at least 60% of the time, the rumours were often about Jamie herself and her uncanny ability to fall in love and start planning her wedding within 30 seconds of meeting the poor fellow. However, tonight Jamie was more enthusiastic than ever – her new found modelling contract meant that Jamie had ‘rediscovered’ herself and was ‘a new woman’ – a woman with high standards and wanted to be wined and dined. 

“At the rate you’re going you’re going to lose us all,” snorted Lee, blinking rapidly.

Whenever Lee whipped off her glasses and inserted contacts – she needed to be held back. With-Glasses-Lee only needed to be held back in the school library; Without-Glasses-Lee needed to be held back whenever she was within 20 yards of the Y chromosome. Nevertheless, her split personality was apparently ‘cute’ as quoted by Lee’s boyfriend, Robin, from the swim team. Lee had spent the majority of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince getting ready for tonight’s party – a sin which she must repent for in the form of doing the dishes when its my turn or doing my college assignment on Richard II – either one she would excel in.  Lee was our resident genius and our go-to-girl for any academic problems regardless of the subject. The only logical explanation for Lee’s brain is that her mother had been consuming encyclopaedias by the gallon whilst she was pregnant.

“You alright Eve? Don’t worry about anything – it’s girls night, remember?”

The angelic voice of reason that was Hannah was music to my ears. Hannah was the spitting image of every films portray of ‘the girl next door’. Everyone knew her and she knew everyone. It sounds great, but in reality we couldn’t walk for five steps without someone striking up conversation with Hannah, who was much too polite to brush them off. It is my personal theory that Hannah’s tendency to hold a five-minute conversation with anyone is the reason her chess captain boyfriend Jordan has learnt to carry a Rubik’s cube with him.

“I’m good. Lets see if this is all its cracked up to be.” I feigned a smile a pulled my cardigan up.

I was sweating buckets to due a number of reasons; firstly it was over thirty degrees easily, and secondly I was nervous. I know I should take off my cardigan, but I couldn’t. It was my safety net, which would protect me from the snide comments and raised eyebrows of ‘what on Earth is the fat girl doing here?’  It was during the end of middle school that I started to pile on the pounds whilst the others started to lose them. It was almost as if I was so desperate for things to stay the same that I started to pick up the weight the others were losing in order for there to be no change.

Through out school the others started to go on dates and get boyfriends. Their own lives advancing meant that I had no one to turn to once the teasing started. Once the subject was breached I was hit with ‘don’t be silly’ and ‘I don’t think you’re fat’ comments. As a result I tried to avoid going out as much as possible, I didn’t want to embarrass my friends and I didn’t want to constantly feel alone because I wasn’t good enough for anyone. I had tried to lose weight, but miracles don’t happen over night and chocolate tastes really good. Now, at college, despite losing some weight I’m still bigger than them. I’ve tried to keep hiding under big clothes. A rule of mine is to never show flesh unless its face, neck or hands. As a result, I own many cardigans and tights.

 Tonight was a big step; it meant that I could no longer hide anymore. I pulled my cardigan down and wrapped my fists within the sleeves, praying for the floor to swallow me.