All the Wrong Reasons

All the Wrong Reasons - Part Six

A longer update to make up for the short one/the slow replies to thing! Enjoy! x

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I woke up tired. Despite the fact that I had been in bed from two am till eleven, I found myself being shackled and weighed down by fatigue. I inhaled several deep breaths in an attempt to rid myself of this morning’s nightmare. I closed my eyes in an attempt to push back the burning tears. Faintly, I could hear the sound of Jamie’s snoring; the only un-lady like trait about her. I inhaled one last breathe through my nose, before holding it until by lungs hurt. Then, I let it out slowly. Opening my eyes, I reluctantly pulled back the blanket and dragged myself out of bed. I didn’t need to worry about avoiding the mirror, as I had already thrown a protective cloth over it. I had planned on painting my room soon and had been more than eager to cover up the mirror. I know the truth hurts, but no one wants to be knocked down first thing in the morning, for every morning.

With this in mind I made my way to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet debating whether or not I could get out of this shopping trip or not. It was at the sink when I was washing my hands that I accidently looked up and saw myself. They say that if there were a human replica of you walking down the street you wouldn’t recognise yourself. I sure as hell hoped that was true. How was it humanely possible to look so unattractive? I gripped the sink in frustration and bowed my head in annoyance. I had lost some weight, maybe not all of it – so why the hell wasn’t I at least mildly attractive yet?

It was in the shower when I contemplated what to wear. I had accepted that there was no way I could get out of shopping when everyone was coming to the flat. The next best thing was to dress without the others moaning at me. I could just hear their advice now: ‘if you want to look smaller try wearing fitted clothes – baggy clothes just make you look bigger.’ But big hoodies were so comfy and snugly! Why would you buy a fitted one? I had to agree, I was a sucker for the peplum tops. One of my many problem areas definitely had to bee my stomach and the peplum top did a great job in covering it up. I may have enough to buy another, I pondered.

Opening my wardrobe isn’t the most enlightening experience. It mainly consists of black, grey and dark blue. There may be the odd maroon, or dark purple but a majority of it was black. Black was a slimming colour and you couldn’t go wrong with black. Which is why I pulled out my black ensemble and started to get ready. Just because I wasn’t a UK size 8, that did not mean I couldn’t put okay clothes on and put make up on. All of that would make me look normal, nothing special. Just a person who blends into the crowd; someone you wouldn’t look twice at.

It was whilst I was putting my hair into a bun that I heard Jamie getting up and rummaging around. Checking my phone, I realised that Hannah and Lee would be here soon, so I made my way to the toaster and popped in two pieces of bread for Jamie. I on the other hand, gulped down two glasses of water and a couple of pieces of watermelon. It was as I was buttering the toast that Jamie strolled in.

‘Thanks for everything babe. Picking me up and getting the water out. The hair thing was genius – so handy this morning! I hope I didn’t ruin your night. Ah, is that toast for me? You are a star, babe.’ Drawled Jamie as I handed her the toast.

‘Don’t worry about it – what are friends for?’ I shrugged. A half smile was all I could master. Luckily for me, no more conversation was needed as the doorbell rang. I opened it to see Hannah and Lee, fresh faced with different clothes on. I let them in before shutting the door. We all exchanged pleasantries and small talk. I fixed everyone a coffee as Jamie went to get ready. It was as we were about to leave that I received my roll call of awkward questions.