Haley's POV
I rolled over to the other side of my bed, part of it was still slightly warm.
Then, as if a wave crashed over my being, reality returned and I remembered foggily what had happened last night. Disappointment filled me as I realized Ricky had left me alone again. I sighed and hobbled out of my cozy bed.
The door to my closet squealed open and revealed a mess of clothes. I picked out a pair of black ripped skinny jeans, a loose HIM tank top and a plain grey jacket.
I slowly and painfully walked down the hall to my bathroom to finally scrub the hospital off of me. The lights came flickering on and I closed the door behind me. Peeling my clothes off slowly, I cringed at the scars that laced up my arms and thighs in an intricate pattern. Taking a deep breath, I shoved my thoughts away.
The water slowly went from icy to scolding hot as I waited. I stepped in a sighed in relief.
Then, my thoughts and problems came rushing back. I started to shake and my breathing came rapidly.
Ever since I was a little kid, when my mother would drop me off at babysitters, I've had anxiety attacks.
Greg didn't love me, honestly no one did. I had no friends, I had no real family. I haven't had a job in over half a year and I was running dangerously low on cash. Guess I was gonna have to go back to my old job.
I shuddered at that thought. By now, I could barely breathe and my vision was getting splotchy. So I did the only thing I knew of the calm me down.
I rushed out of the shower, sat down on the toilet and opened the drawer under my sink. Inside was a small black box that held my razors. I chose the one I had taken from a pencil sharpener and with shakes hands, drew a new design on my wrists.
My breathing slowed and my head stopped spinning as I watched the blood run around my old scars and drip to the floor.
I'm so stupid. I'm just making this worse for myself.
Who am I kidding? The damage is already done, I might as well continue.
Or even end it.
A small smile found its way to my lips at that last thought. This was my way out, I could leave this behind me. Whether or not there was an after life or not, my problems would just disappear.
I gripped the razor in my right hand, laid it over top the blue vein at the top of my wrist and took in a deep breath.
Suddenly I heard a loud, music like, noise coming from my room. I hesitantly dropped my razor, hoping to return to it, and entered my bedroom.
On the nightstand was an unfamiliar phone, playing a song I recognized.
Ricky must have left it here.
Damn, I needed to give it back to him so he wouldn't come back here and find me in the bathroom. I giggled slightly. I had a horribly morbid sense of humor.
Walking back to the bathroom, I cleaned up my arms, and slid my clothes on. I straightened my hair and threw it in a beanie, and rimmed my eyes with heavy liner. Why was I getting dolled up if I was going to just end my life afterwards? I shook my head, not understanding myself.
Over my head, I heard a high pitched girly voice screaming. Then came loud crashes that I thought were going to join me in my apartment. I swear over all of it, I heard the name 'Ricky'. It was worth a try to see if it was actually him since I had no clue where he lived.
Shoving his phone in my pocket, I closed my door and climbed the stairs. Soon enough, a barbie-like, stick thin woman came running down the stairs.
"Does Ricky live here?" I asked in a hoarse tone.
"What, that faggot? Yeah, I wouldn't recommend going there though, he's emo and not worth your time."
I just looked at her puzzled and continued up the stairs.
His door was right in front of my face and I was contemplating just sliding his phone in the mail slot.
I sighed, lightly knocking on the door.
A tall guy with long black hair, three lip piercings, and tattoos answered.
"Hello?" He asked.
"I, um, does Ricky live here?" I questioned, almost inaudibly.
"Uh, yeah, Rick!" He called out.
"What?"
"A girls here for you."
Ricky opened the door a little more so he fit into view as well.
"Haley? Sorry I left, I had to get home."
"No, it's cool. You just left your phone," the tall guy walked away. I outstretched my arm and handed the phone to him, "Sorry about last night."
Ricky was now staring at something. I followed his gaze to my forearms and realized there was blood seeping through my sleeves. Shit.
"I have to go." I said and tried to turn around. However, I was unsuccessful as Ricky had taken me into a hug. A waterfall immediately poured from my eyes and I reluctantly returned his hug.
"Please don't do this anymore." He whispered. I didn't respond and he slowly pulled away, looking me straight in the eyes, "Please."
"I can't promise anything." I said flatly.
The tall guy soon came into view again. I quickly wiped away my tears, trying to hide the fact that I'd been crying.
"The name's Chris." He said, trying to lighten the mood, "Aren't you gonna invite the girl in, Rick?" He asked.
"I'm fine, I should be going back."
Ricky looked at me with his big, blue, pleading eyes. I sighed in defeat and slowly crept through the doorway.
