Author: lost_violet
Genre: Romance
No. of chapters read: 2
First impression: Hmm, politics. This sounds pretty interesting. Haven't read something like that in a while
Cover: Wow, two guys almost kissing, how exciting! Not. And it's mostly grey. Just like my empty soul. Nope, would've skipped this one right out.
Cover rating: Zzzzzz
Blurb: We're not doing blurbs. Shut up! Yes, you are! Okay, I am. (apparently I'm the weak one in this relationship)
La la la la la, election, good, la la la... bad boy. Gay bad boy. Okay, let's see how this plays out. The blurb is pretty informative, though a little bulky. My guess is, so will the book (You can tell a lot about the book from the blurb).
What could go wrong? Hmm... you're a seemingly straight guy being chased by a gay bad boy who happens to be the son of your father's political nemesis. I'd say A LOT could go wrong. Stupid question!
Blurb rating: Not bad, classic, but kinda bulky.
Let's get it on!
Second impression: These people will need new eyes soon, coz I'm sure they'll end up rolling the ones they have until they're stuck at the back of their heads.
Actual review (drum roll please):
Language:
Oh my God! Look at the jumbled up paragraphs! I feel like I need a rucksack full of survival gear to just trek through them. The dialogue and the action should be separated. Maybe then I wouldn't drown in the length of the paragraph.
The word use is generally good, thought I feel like there are too. many. words. Saying the exact same thing. This kid feels the need to over-explain everything happening around him. We can get some of the stuff ourselves, kid. Trust our intelligence.
A lot of "as you know, Bob." dialogue too. And let's not forget the rolling of the eyes. I didn't count, but I'd say characters roll their eyes at least ten times in one chapter. Especially Katy who seems to do only that and flip her hair.
And I've got to ask. What the hell is african american dark black hair? Is it different from other dark black hair? And isn't black the darkest color? What does dark black look like? (What I'm trying to say is that you should try introducing his race more naturally. This felt very clumsy). And dark brown precious face? Really??
Plus, you keep switching between past and present tense. Just pick one.
Language rating: Too. many. awkward. words.
Plot:
Okay, what the hell is it with all the unneeded drama and the crass exaggeration? When I first read about Len and Lauren's sex talk in front of their children I was like 'ew', but maybe they're just sick bastards.
But then we have Tyler hating cheerleaders when he's dating one, Lianna jumping off the handle for absolutely no reason (Tyler having a bitch fit doesn't count as a valid reason), Katy being such a blatant stereotype, I feel like screaming. It feels like everyone is a stereotype except for Tyler, though he tries so hard to be one himself.
He's so intent at making himself a cliche that he rubs his non-coolness in our faces. My face is sore.
I didn't read enough to catch the plot properly. But it seems to be chock full of stereotypes, and that annoys me to no end.
And the meeting with Wren... you know, boys usually don't walk holding hands. This negates everything about Tyler not knowing he's gay.
Plot rating: what are you going for?
Characters:
Tyler: Is a whiny little judgmental bitch who thinks is better than everyone just because the outcasts usually are. He's not. He apparently tries pretty hard to get people not to like him. He's an asshole to his supposed friend, doesn't care much about his sister's feelings or anyone else's and just like to sit in a corner and pass judgement. All his anger feels so forced.
Stop being a bitch and face life. Learn some social skills. I know you're in high school, but you lack basic empathy.
Katy: Stereotype rich girl who is used to being popular and getting what she likes. Though I found her relationship with Tyler pretty sweet, I can't say anything nice about her, since she obviously doesn't care about his feelings.
She needs new eyes from rolling them so much and new hair from continuously flipping it.
Lianna: Mean, spoiled bitch. No other trait whatsoever. Flips hair too.
Owen: No trait whatsoever.
Jay: Stereotype black cool guy. Who talks like that? I had the fortune to meet him? Good for you Jay, good for you? And is everyone aware of Tyler being gay except Tyler?
Wren: huh, what? Why do you want to talk to Tyler? And oh, no, he's soooo intimidating. And he has a tattoo. *gasp!* But he's actually nice. Too nice to be a bad boy. Tattoos do not a bad boy make. He seems sensitive and down to earth. I think he's actually the only character I'm interested in.
Len: Demanding sleazy politician father stereotype.
Lauren: Demanding sleazy politician wife stereotype.
Character rating: So. many. stereotypes.
Why I stopped reading: Tyler is a little bitch. I feel like punching him in the face. I liked him a little in chapter 1, though he tried hard to show how he's better than everyone else, but chapter 2 killed him for me. He's PMS-ing too hard.
Grade: Fail.
Though the plot seems interesting as far as politics is involved, the rest is too cliche for my taste. You might have something interesting happening later (though seeing how little you discuss the election and just mention it in passing, I doubt that there's much politics in the story), but your first chapters don't paint a pretty picture.
Try to shorten your paragraphs, separate actions and dialogue by different character, and nurse your characters more. Give them some depth.
YOU ARE READING
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