Author: MrCrowley667
Genre: Paranormal
No. of chapter read: 4
First Impression: What the bloody hell is going on? (pun intended - seeing the bloody and the hell and stuff)
Cover: Wow, some hanging people... Black and white hanging people. And a pretty hard to read text. And seeing the subject matter, there are so many awesome possibilities. Not impressed, Mr. Crowley, not impressed.
Cover rating: BORING! Zzzzz
Blurb: The blurb is actually interesting. I want to find out what he did, what happened and what the bloody hell is going on. But for the love of all things evil that screech in the night, FIX YOUR GRAMMAR! Commas are good for you. If the blurb is missing punctuation I can bet anything that so will the actual text.
Blurb rating: Good, but USE PUNCTUATION PROPERLY!
Let's get it on!
Second impression: Gah, you're so lucky your content is awesome.
Actual review (drum roll please):
Language: I'm going to start screaming at you. Yes, yes, I am. And you know why? Because you have a way with words. I love the voices of the characters and the words you use to describe everything. But... and this is a humongous BUT... FIX YOUR DAMN PUNCTUATION! Yes, I'm using shouty capitals. How hard is it to write I instead of i or to use bloody spellcheck? Or freaking periods and commas where they should be?
You have phrases that go on for paragraphs because you forgot to use a period, you have commas missing, commas where there shouldn't be any commas, your instead of you're, possessives instead of plurals and vice versa (huge pet peeves of mine) ... should I go on? Your grammar is a mess. And it's not even funny because the story would otherwise be good.
Okay, scratch that, the story IS good, but it's just SO DAMN HARD TO READ!
Yes, I'm genuinely enraged, not trying to be sarcastic or funny.
*RANT*
I'll come clean: I'm not native English. I(not i) don't come from a country that even speaks anything remotely related to English. No, my parents are not foreign diplomats. They can't even speak the language properly.
Yet, here I am. Spelling correctly, using punctuation pretty much correctly most of the time, making grammar mistakes only when and if it's (not its) funny... I had to work my ass off to get decent enough for people not to notice I'm not a creative writing graduate... so my tolerance for laziness is at an all time low.
If I have to work my ass off, so should everyone else.
*End RANT*
Language rating: AAAAH!!! *throws chair at wall*
Plot:
The plot is very interesting. In a world filled with supernaturals, the Enforcers try to keep the peace. We get to find out about a whole load of creatures, creature organisations, creature habits and other creature related stuff.
Four chapters were enough to spike my interest and make me want to find out what happened to Jack, what the hell is happening to Jack and exactly what the fuck will happen to Jack. Yes, Jack is interesting. I like Kali a lot more. She's hella interesting.
I could read a whole book just on their Enforcer shenanigans, without a greater plot being involved. A greater plot sounds awesome, though.
My only complaint is that I didn't really get the time lapse between chapter 2 and the rest of the book. Nothing indicated that it takes place in the past, but, by chapter 4, I got over it.
Plot rating: Awesome scheisse (that's German for shit- yes, I also dabble in German)
Characters:
Jack Crowley: is likable enough. We get two chapters in his POV in the first four chapters. He has a problem, but tries his best to deal with it. He's also a Vampire, but, guess what? That's not his actual problem. He also gets into a lot of trouble. So yay, Jack is fun.
Kali: Is an awesome, badass, completely go-crazy-on-yo-ass... thing. It's never mentioned what she actually is, but my guess is an old Indian deity - goddess of death, I think. Can't exactly remember from Indiana Jones. Anyway, it's awesome that she can lose control and pull tar out of people any time. So much fun. She's also Jack's wife/ex-wife and wants to look out for him. Like her a lot. Also, her chapters felt a bit better edited.
Edgar: Is a Djinn. And silent. And awesome in general. He sets people on fire. He's awesome.
Will: I actually like him, even if his appearance was pretty scarce. He seems fun.
Many children: are just sadly dead.
Other characters: are just sadly interesting. Wouldn't complain to get to know them better.
Character rating: Gut gemacht! (Good job in German - yes, you get German ratings because I feel like it)
Why I stopped reading: EDIT YOUR WORK! While I'm very fond of your plot and characters, I can't read your story without cringing at every grammar mistake. Yes, I'm a grammar Nazi (hence all the German from above). Fix your writing and we'll talk business.
Grade: I swore to myself that I'll stop giving passes to unedited work. But on the other hand, I really liked your content. So here's what I'm going to do. The story get a TEMPORARY FAIL, until you fix your stuff. After you've edited, you can brag that you've PASSED in a blaze of bloody death.
The song is for Jack and Kali. And no, it's not Mr. Crowley by Ozzy Osbourne. I didn't even know such a song existed.
YOU ARE READING
The Evil Rant And Review Book
Random[CLOSED] Formerly The Evil Reading Request List, this has turned into a showcase of nasty reviews, a place for me to rant. I surprisingly don't rant a lot. The book was discontinued because real life is kicking my butt and I don't have the tim...
