The Evil Rant And Review Book

The Story of Krash

Same warning as before.

Also, why you're getting this review. Because I feel like writing two reviews, and I already read this. Also, book club.

Author: KrashHash

Genre: Adventure

No. chapters read: 17 (or 43 according to chapter numbering which is weird as fuck)

First impression: I don't know what the writer's on, but I want some of that shit.

Cover: Poor Krash and his face that has been drawn in paint. I've seen three covers for this story. This is the second worst. (I liked the first one best, it was subtle). Anyway, it's Krash's paint face.

Cover rating: PAINT!!

Blurb: Short, to the point, lazy, but damn it! I really want to know if Jerry will get a lifetime supply of Doritos! It fits the story. Though not generic should probably be non-generic. Just saying.

Blurb rating: non-generic

Let's get it on!

Second impression: Noooo! Not Jerry!

Actual review *drum roll please*:

Language/Writing: You're lazy. You, sir, are FUCKING LAZY. And I don't mean stylistically, since I rather enjoy your minimalist style and Krash and his I-don't-give-a-fuck voice. I mean that you should correct your grammar whenever you have the chance.

The story is not filled with terrible grammar or punctuation, but there are slips and they could easily be corrected. So get your ass in gear and do that.

The style is absurd. Fun absurd. We need more of this,

Language rating: fix your damn typos!

Plot: Ah, where to begin?

Krash is living the normal life of a teenager under a bridge with two hobos when BOOM! All hell breaks loose. And Jerry is killed. Why Jerry??? He was my favorite character!

After the explosion, shit starts to happen. And I mean, really freaky shit. Like mobsters killing each other with machetes, people shooting fire out of their hands, evil lairs filled with empty rooms and chosen one android life forms trying to freaking kill and destroy.

Yes, Krash suddenly starts living a life of adventure and finds out he can also shoot fire out of his hands, except he can't really control it. Good luck polishing the old rocket, Krash.

People die and come back from the dead (fingers crossed that Jerry is not dead either, but the evil mastermind) and explanations make no sense. Tis a world of wonder. A rough world of crime and death and inept people calling themselves orders.

Yes, there's a lot going on in this story.

Plot rating: Somehow revolves around Doritos

Characters:

Krash: our lovable protagonist who observes all the weird shit going on around him with a calm, critical eye. He is hilarious both in description and reactions and can apparently shoot fire out of his hands for some reason.

He hates pipes and almost gets killed a hand-full of times. Krash is not boring, despite what the blurb suggests. Krash is amusing and sarcastic and in the wrong place at the wrong time, constantly. Krash is an awesome hero.

Jerry: hates the government and believes everything is a conspiracy. He is also presumably dead. RIP, over of Doritos

Nicholas: Is an undercover 5th Order member, parading as a hobo living with Krash under the bridge. Or maybe he really was a hobo who could conveniently shoot fire out of his hands. He takes the role of Krash's sort of mentor, but is pretty terrible at it.

Crazy machete man: is sadly dead, because I really liked him

Vlad: Is dead, then is not dead anymore, then is probably dead again. It's hard to keep up.

The 5th Order people: seem just as dumb as the people from the other four orders.

The chosen one: Holy fuck! Kill it with fire! (which Krash actually did).

Character rating: awesomeness

Why I stopped reading: I didn't. Still reading the thing. Because it's FUNNY!

Grade: Pass. Sorry, but since I can't take it seriously, I can't take your mistakes seriously either. And I'm having too much fun.

Song: I can't help but feel that this pretty much sums up the atmosphere of your story