Warning: this was written on mobile and might suffer from the desease known as autocorrect. Proceede at your own risk.
Author: @chibinancy
Genre: Fantasy
No. Chapters read: 1.01
First impression: Hmmm, this seems interesting if a little all over the place.
Cover: it's a pretty cover, I'll give you that. Not spectacular, but pretty. I found the font a little iffy, but the image is well chosen (even if the gothic girl in a dress is getting a bit tiresome). By the cover alone, I'd give this a shot.
Cover rating: pretty good
Blurb: Okay, I've got to ask. What about gravity needs a little push? The insanity bit works. For the conoseour of basic physics, the gravity part does not. Because you don't get pushed into gravity. Gravity is always there.
Right, next. The premise of the blurb is interesting. How you dish it out makes me scream holy hell! What. The fuck? There's so much messed up information in there, I'm pretty sure I'm getting a glimpse of the writing, and it ain't pretty. Also I'm pretty sure Kena was a young age when her mother died, not her mother, like the blurb implies.
Blurb rating: I can't see the awesomeness of the plot because of the awful word use.
Let's get it on!
Second impression: Nope. Just... Nope.
Actual review (drumroll please):
Language/Writing: Your first sentence:
Blankly staring at her, "You'll be
Late for school, you know," he implied.
I'm going to be brutally honest with you (he he, isn't that the point?), I almost stopped right there, closed the book and moved on. One of the reasons it took me so long to write this review, besides moving, was that I built up my patience to read on.
What the hell kind of sentence is that? That's what you use to hook a reader? NO! *beats awful sentence with a chair* Plus, I don't think implies means what you think it means. And if you do know what it means, you're using it wrong.
Don't even get me started on your dialogue punctuation or the awkward word use and creepy phrase structure. Not to mention the slips into first person. You need to fix that shit. You also really need an editor.
I'm done talking about this. You need practice. A lot of it. But hey, here's the good news. You're on Wattpad, and that's what it's for. Also, hey, you're on Wattpad and you can just tell me to fuck off. I wouldn't if I were you, though. It could enrage my badgers.
Language rating: *points at corner* sit in timeout and think about what you've done.
Plot: I didn't see much of it, but apparently there's this world of imagination beyond the boundary that is fuled by the imagination of real people. We find this out through a poorly disguised plot device info dump from a talking tree.
Really now, that was such an obvious set up for an info dump that I almost closed the book again. What exactly is Kena trying to achieve by asking something she already knows?
Other than that, despite what the first sentence implies (see, this is how you use the damn word), Kena is not actually late for school, but wakes up home to a spaghetti dinner with no one mentioning that she missed school.
Also, holy fuck, that's one lazy transition between imagination land and the real world. Next, we are treated to Kena and her dad being exquisitely stupid before finding out Kena tells awesome stories. Then her dad awkwardly reminds everyone he's still there and we fade to black.
The next chapter starts with a beeping alarm clock and Kena turning into Garfield and hating Mondays. Nope, I'm done.
Plot rating: I think it's there somewhere, but I'm too distracted by all the stupid stuff going on.
Characters:
Kena: I don't like her. She seems to think she's smarter than everyone else, but I think it's her conversation with Ren that sealed the deal. When she described him as not too smart and not too stupid I'm like what the fuck?? Who made you judge of the universe, miss skips school and talks to trees?
And saying she doesn't want to go to a party because she couldn't stand all the stupid people... Yeah, Kena, you couldn't tell the difference between your only friend laughing or choking, you just stood there like an idiot, so if he were choking, he'd probably be dead... So you're not the sharpest tool in the shed either.
Yeah, saying I don't like her is an understatement.
Ren: he seems okay. He laughs too much at stuff that's not funny and I can't really understand why he hangs around Kena, but whatever.
Kena's dad: is an awkward idiot who can't tell the difference between laughing and choking either
Imaginary creatures: were pretty damn annoying, to be honest.
Other characters: none so far. But they're all stupid apparently.
Character rating: *sets them on fire * Ren may live
Why I stopped reading: do you really want salt in your open wound? Work on your word use and phrasing. Work on your character likability. Work on your punctuation. And use imply correctly.
Grade: Fail. While the idea of your story is very interesting (and eerily similar to something I have in the works), the execution needs a lot of work.
Song: I've got nothing.
YOU ARE READING
The Evil Rant And Review Book
Random[CLOSED] Formerly The Evil Reading Request List, this has turned into a showcase of nasty reviews, a place for me to rant. I surprisingly don't rant a lot. The book was discontinued because real life is kicking my butt and I don't have the tim...
