Ice Cream In Malibu

1

When Ezra drives us to the field a few miles away from our houses where we can both just be ourselves.

we decided this a  year back when we went on walks together every night, we'd sit in the field for hours telling each other our secrets and then we'd never speak of them again. We'd just talk about nothing, about everything. sometimes we'd just sit there looking up at the stars, he told me when he turns 18 he's going to move away, but he told me he would come back for me. 

I don't believe him, that's what happens when you have alcoholics for both parents, you don't believe anyone any more. Ezra understands, but he doesn't feel the same way, he loves putting his trust in everyone he meets and just waits for them to lie to him. 

I don't understand him most of the time. he says its because I'm younger than him, but I'm not even that much younger than him, I'll turn 16 in 5 days. He's been 16 for 3 months. I don't want to turn 16, I'm cool with being 15, but I want to get my license.

 I'm tired of walking everywhere, its a good thing Ezra only lives 2 blocks away, I don't like mom driving because she's almost always intoxicated. And I'm okay without dying in a car crash anytime soon. I have really bad anxiety in cars, so I'm glad Ezra drives at a safe speed for the sake of my nerves. my older sister Pepper was in a car crash, she was 16. 

It's why mom and dad drink.

 It's why I called Ezra to take me so we can talk, he's currently sitting in the drivers seat with his left arm out the window, he always has the window down anywhere he stayed a long while.

 His bedroom window was never closed. He has a problem with not being able to contact the fresh air, he drums his finger on the steering wheel to a song he has stuck in his head. I rest my head on the headrest my bun sliding up to an awkward position, i groan and lift my head. 

Ezra pulls into a small area just large enough for one car, and turns off his 2007 Chevy Impala, which he has a love, hate relationship with. And opens his door getting out. I hesitate, am I ready to put my feelings into words? Of course I was, otherwise I wouldn't have called him I get out too making my way to the clearing Ezra was sitting in. 

Here, we became two different people, we didn't have the same personality's of those in our homes and schools, although Ezra is home schooled, I envy him everyday for it and have told him as well. I left my bag and phone in his car, as usual.

I fell down onto the ground and put my head in the soft green grass. I don't know what happened what broke inside of me, but I suddenly couldn't keep it in anymore, I sobbed for it seemed like hours, my face heating. Mercifully Ezra just sat there in silence like he was prone to do. My tears ran out and I was an empty vessel I rolled over and rested my hands on my abdominal. Ezra sat there for a minute until he broke the silence in a dramatic way that was so like him.

"My darling peculiar Alessandra." He began, "you cry so sorrowfully, what is troubling your heart of gold? is there something I can do to ease the pain?" He heaved himself next to me and rested his arms under his head.

"wow, Jane Austen you are so very dramatic." He looked at me and rolled his eyes,

"I prefer Shakespeare, you wanna start?" he asked me and I nod, a single tear leaking out which I swiped away quickly.

"I'm nervous. " I say holding my shoulder, "What if my future is destined to me like Pepper's? mom will be broken. dad will do..." I pause "Only the Lord knows what he'll do, I don't want this, aren't people supposed to be happy to be 16? why aren't I? i want to be happy." I shook my head.

"I want to be happy too, I don't have nearly enough problems to be friends with you Alessandra, I'll try to think of something to complain about," He put a finger on his lips in contemplation. "iIll fail my history class this semester if I don't try, that's always fun. Rae started up again, we thought that rehab would help but," he shook his head "I was pretty sure it wouldn't, not with her mind set." I nod my head.