Jordan Taylor › Rick Grimes F.F

› Forty / Ruined ‹

Chapter Forty // {jordan's pov}

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"Jarod smashed his lips with Layla's. He swore that when he did, time stopped," I read outloud. Carl groaned.

"What? This is a lovely story," I smirked at him. I placed the book down on the bedside table before turning back towards him.

"It's so unrealistic! Time doesn't just stop!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms everywhere just to prove his point. 

"Well. I swear that when I kiss your Dad, time stops," I threw back with a smile. He chuckled.

"Yeah, but that's different. You're meant for each other," he replied with a heartwarming smile. My own smile faltered a little, causing him frown. I don't think Rick thinks that we are meant for each other.

"What did he do?" Carl asked immediately with concern.

"Nothing," I replied, looking away from him so he couldn't see the tears forming. I hated how Carl thought that his Dad did something when in reality, it was me.

"I already know about.. you know," he said without trying to make me upset, but I already was. 

"He hates me," I spoke sadly.

"My Dad doesn't hate you. He was by your side when you were asleep the whole time. We had to drag him out for lunch and that's when you woke up. He felt terrible that he wasn't there with you, to see your eyes open," Carl explained, making me turn around to face him.

"He did?"

"Yes and he went out to clear his mind. He isn't angry with you," he exclaimed, shaking his head at me.

"Carl, thank you," I spoke quietly. I offered him a smile, in which he returned. I still had my doubts. How could Rick love someone who killed his child?

The door opened. Speak of the devil.

"Carl," Rick replied, ordering him to leave. Carl smiled at me once more and walked out the room, but before he did, he stopped and mumbled something to Rick before he left. Rick pinched the bridge of his nose.

Was I supposed to say something? I bit my lip.

"Jordan, we ne-,"

"No, I need to apologise. I didn't mean to snap at you.. I really didn't. I tried going after you," I apologised as strongly as I could. I didn't want to cry again.

I watched as he strode over and sat on the left side of my bed. I moved over to leave him some more room.

"Jordan, that isn't why I was angry, I hope you know that," he informed. For once, I couldn't read his expression. 

"I do now, considering that about two people told me, making you the third," I muttered with a slight frown.

"Jordan, don't say that," he rubbed his head in frustration.

"I tried going after you and then Daryl comes and tells me that you left," I replied, ignoring his comment.

"I left because I didn't want to risk lashing out at you!" he exclaimed, looking slightly saddened.

"Lashing out at me?"

"After all the that has shit that has happened? I couldn't keep you safe once... That angers me so damn much. That man... that horrible excuse for man touched you and I couldn't even stop it," tears were welling up in my eyes as he spoke about that, "and what made it worse is that when I did kill him, I walked away. Away from you when you were hurting and from when you needed me the most. I didn't know what do with myself. I was angry, disappointed and just sad.. I didn't know how to deal with it all. So I pushed those feelings away for the meantime," Rick explained. He looked really ashamed of his actions. I never thought of how much that would've affected him as my boyfriend... I was so caught up in my own drama to realise. I reached over to him and latched onto his hand. A few stray tears fell from my eyes. I gave his hand a soft squeeze and he returned the gesture. I didn't feel like it was my place to talk right now.

"We arrived at Terminus where I thought we could settle down and have a family. Teach Judith as she grew up. Watch Carl turn into a man.. But it was all just another pipe dream. Then the church... I thought that it'd be safe enough for you and Daryl to go hunt.. You got hit by these insane people's car and to make matters worse... they took you. Daryl came back without you. I can't explain how that felt. That time, I thought I really lost you.. Then when I did find you, you got shot. And then our child.. Just everything had built up and I was going to burst. I didn't want it to be aimed at you. I had to leave," he finished. He looked at me and I noticed that his cheeks were slightly pink. He was embarrassed.

"I'm sorry... I never thought about how it'd affect you.. I've ruined everything," I whispered the last past. I gulped back a sob.

"You haven't ruined anything, we'll get through this, we always do. We will. This is just a rough patch. But I need you to want get through all of this," his sky blue eyes stared into mine with hope. He wanted to fix everything.

"Of course I do! You are my everything... Without you, I'd be still be that stubborn city girl who wouldn't listen to anyone but her police instincts. You've brought out a side of me that I didn't know that existed. I love you and I want to get through this. Like you said, it's just a rough patch," I exclaimed.

"I love you too but, speaking of police instincts, the uniform is a major turn on," he smirked, his eyes were a slightly darker blue and full of desire. My cheeks warmed, letting me know that I was blushing.

"I was wondering if it'd help.. if we named the baby," he added quietly, looking at me cautiously. A small smile made it's way onto my face.

"What do you reckon the gender was then?" I asked him. He chuckled.

"A boy. I think it was definitely a boy," he answered, poking my shoulder with his usual smile. I always wanted my first child to be boy if I ever had one.

"I think so too. But, I want Carl to be apart of it. He's helped me a lot. He's too mature for his age," I grinned.

Rick laughed, "I don't know if that's good or not."

"It is."

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