Darkness At Dawn • Kylo Ren [1]

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"Acceptance is the first step to understanding, and only then will you be able to see just a little."

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He was awake for a long time in the dark, thinking and not thinking. In that barren state, it was a painful strain of feelings. The world outside teased him and to his dismay, he couldn't stop anything around him, he wasn't in control. His arm was loosely draped over Elara's waist, his chest rising and falling against her back, their breaths in unison. This only caused him to become more confused.

She laid beside him, her eyes opened and facing the starry galaxy. Her mind raced and her heart pounded but what surprised her the most was the ease she felt. His exposed chest pressed up against her bare back caused her to finally have an emotional release that she desperately needed. Everything felt so wrong but being with him felt so right.

Her body shifted slightly and she rolled onto her side, facing his tranquil face. Only, he was pretending to be asleep, at peace, levelled with his emotions. She studied his face, admiring his tousled curls but also hating them at the same time. He opened his eyes slightly, taking a peek to see if she was awake. It was a childish act, he surprised even himself by doing so. Catching her own glare with his was enough to push his lips against hers.

She let the kiss linger for a second before pulling back. "Can't sleep?"

He shook his head slightly, his superior ego completely nonexistent. "No."

"Me neither." She muttered.

"I wonder why..." He whispered.

She covered her hands with her hands and grumbled. "We shouldn't have done that."

"But we did though and you can't change that Elara."

She sat up, draping herself with the duvet. "I was grieving and you took advantage."

"You're a Jedi, you had every bit of strength to stop it." He pushed himself up as well, leaning against his wrists.

"And you're a sith." She replied. "Those two don't mix."

His face twitched and he moved to the side of the bed, his feet touching the icy floor for a split moment before he went to grab his pants. His temper was beginning to unleash once more and he wasn't sure if it was because he couldn't have Elara or because Elara couldn't see the power of the dark side.

"Ben-" It was too late, he was enraged.

"Why can't you get it through your head, Ben is gone!"

She cringed. "I've known you longer as Ben, it'll take awhile for your Kylo Ren to settle in."

It was his turn to cringe. It was true, he was Ben longer than he was Kylo, still, he ignited his lightsaber and swung it towards a nearby object.

"Stop." Was all she could say as she watched him destroy his room.

It was clear he was in pain, completely destroyed and torn apart.

He had known that to love deeply meant to risk great pain and then, he was lost. No longer the master, he was a puppet. His lungs heaved and he knew there was no cure for his heart. He had never looked at another, wanted another since he met her. It was unfair because he spent six years building an entirely new personality, a new story, getting rid of the people he ever cared for and then she showed up.

He could see her in their children and these reflections brought him both comfort and pain. Only knowing Jude and Bellamy for two weeks had brought him a feeling he had never felt before and he loathed it. It was his pain and he would keep it, it was the intensity of this heartache that proved the strength of their bond and he could not bare to feel less. Maybe if he let all this sadness and anger bottle up a little more, he could use it as power.

He slashed his blade over the bed frame and cabinets, destroying everything in his wake with a loud yell.

Her remaining thread of strength frayed before breaking completely, sending her plummeting over the edge and into the darkness. Hysterical sobs shook her thin frame, threatening to tear her apart from the inside. She fought to reclaim control over her body, shocked by the sounds escaping from deep within her chest. He stayed head bowed until his face had been dried by the vents and his composure regained.

"This pain is unbearable." He seethed through his teeth.

"This isn't how it was supposed to be." Elara hiccuped. "All I do is cry now Ben Solo, all I can feel is pain and I can't do anything about it."

"I never wanted you to become this broken." He confessed, leaning his head against the window of his room.

"I have children." She looked down at the palms of her hands, trying to focus on the force she felt growing stronger behind her hidden feelings. "I've been feeling all these emotions and sensations that not even Master Skywalker has taught me about it.

"You feel it too." He looked up, his chin tilting upwards. "You're being drawn to the dark side."

"That's not what it is." But even Elara was unsure, there was a possibility that that could be it.

"When we reach Starkiller Base tomorrow, I will speak to Supreme Leader Snoke." He jumped ahead. "Perhaps their is prophecy that hasn't been foretold hey."

"Why would I have a prophecy?" Elara spat. "I'm a Jedi Knight and that's that."

"You bring me a great amount of annoyance." He bit his lip.

"Unfortunately, that annoyance could of been dedicated to where we should of went for our honeymoon instead of bickering about your prophecy conclusion" Elara retorted.

"You believe we would of gotten married?" He crossed his arms over his chest.

"You don't?"

Kylo faltered with his words which brought even more anger to him. He was a Lord, he was superior and dangerous. People feared him but he couldn't even win a fight with Elara. "I had other plans."

"I've noticed." She sighed in defeat. "Will you have a stormtrooper escort me back to my room? Since I'm still a prisoner here, I feel it'd be better if I stay away from you so I don't kill you."

"As you wish." His face went a deep red and he shut his eyes, his nostrils flaring. "I look forward to our meeting with Snoke."

A/N: TYSM TO GabrielaSotoMassol FOR THE AMAZING FAN ART OF ELARA AND BEN AT DEZ'S DINER!