Moving On (BoyxBoy) UNEDITED

Chapter six

Zander's POV

Life can be so complicated here; I just wish people would see past the end of their nose. But then again by saying that I'm not seeing past my nose, they might not want to break tradition. I know I didn't. They've lived this way for god only knows how many years. Change is defiantly not on their minds.

If I had stayed I might have gotten over her so quickly, but I would have gotten an explanation. I would be with my possibly true love. But instead I acted without thinking. I was irrational. I know Jake and I know he's not like that but still I didn't wait around I ran. I went with my human instinct and that was to run away from what was hurting me. But instead I ran away from the only thing that could help me.

He is my love; I love him with all my heart. I can't believe I just left him. I can't imagine how that must have made him feel. If he loves me as much as I love him then I don't even want to imagine. Just thinking about it is ripping my heart in two. Literally I can feel it pulling apart; I have to get back home, the sooner I'm back with him the better. My heart can't take being away from him much longer; I need to know what went on before I left. I have to apologize; Zoey was never the one for me. She was just brought back to show me what I had is what I needed. What I'll always need. Nothing else.

I better start packing and figuring out what to do with my couch, bed and TV. Also I have to figure out what to do about school and my job. Right now all I know is that I need to to get home. I want to get home before it is too late to fix everything.

I'm leaving tonight; I'll do whatever it takes to get back home before the holidays. I need to see him before Christmas, before our old anniversary.

I just need Jake, I need his touch, I need his love, I need to be with him. I have to drive up there within two weeks, just so that I can have a few days to settle when I get back and so I can get my explanation. Love isn't something you should mess around with, not like I did. I was an idiot. I was horrid, and unforgiving. But people do crazy things when they think they are in love. I can only hope that Jake will forgive me, and the Melody won't hate me. She really is a good friend; she's just not the one for me. She's a really good friend but she's not the one for me.

I hope things haven't changed too much, especially not with Jake. I hope he's still the same old Jake. My best friend and my lover. I hope that he's still his same old perfect self even if he did get down with that girl. There is nothing in my eyes that can take away from his perfectness (with the exception of drugs, alcohol and a whole new personality).

It didn't matter to me that he thinks he has flaws. If he saw himself through my eyes he would see that he is truly perfect. That he is everything I've always wanted. I was just too blind to see it. There is no one else in this world that is made for me. There is no one who could replace my Jake. No one could even come close because I would see their flaws in a few seconds. Jake is such a unique person that there is no way to replace him. He'll change your world in some way or another. Whether it is because he brings you love or something else you'll learn from him. Thousands of people enter your life but only a few will leave you something to remember. Jake's one of the few that will leave everyone something to remember.

He will find a way into your heart and forever hold a piece of it. Or in my case forever hold the whole thing. He's the flame in my life. My muse. I can't be without him. In the months I've been away I haven't been true to myself. I haven't been able to. I was trying to find what was missing. Instead I just ran further away from it. What I've needed has always been right in my face; I guess I just needed to get away for awhile to figure that out.

You can't run away from your past. Time will alway get ahead of you and trap you in the moment. You have to make of it what you can because before you know it time runs out. You run out of time with cretins people and with yourself. If you keep putting things off you might not be able to do them. You have to live each moment to the fullest otherwise you've wasted the life you were given.

You were given this life and this time for a reason. Not everyone is blessed with that. Some people's lives are cut shorter than others. You never know when in life you are going to die. So why live with the possibility that you'll die unhappy and unsatisfied? If you make the most of what you're given you can get where ever you need to go. But sometimes you have to fight for things and sometimes it can only be done in a certain moment.

You aren't guaranteed to love every day but you are guaranteed to be happier if you do what you want with your life. The key is it's your life not anyone else's. no one can say what you should or shouldn't do. No one can control you without your help. You let them control you. You have to know what you want and what you have to work for.

I know I'm going to have to work to get make back in my life. I know it won't be easy but if I really want him here in my life I have to try and I have to work for it. I owe it to myself and him. I owe him an apology and an explanation for why I left so suddenly.

I owe one to Melody too and I owe it to her to end things were they are because my feeling just aren't there. There's no point in leading her on. In the end it will just hurt both of us. I think that we both know we aren't supposed to be together. But I don't want to lose her as a friend. She's taught me a lot about love. I'm sure everything will work out for the better at some point. Maybe not today or this month but at some pint in our life if we work for it.

But right now I had to focus on what was important. I had to focus on getting home and making a plan to get Jake back. I had to find a way to let him know I was coming home. To make sure that I wasn't going home to a hopeless situation. To give him hope also.

I decided to call him before I started driving home. I dialed his number still having it memorized. I smiled at how familiar it felt to call him. To talk to him and hear his voice. He answered the phone after a few ring his soft deep voice sent shivers down my back. It had been way to long since I last talked to him.

"Hello" he said obviously confused. I doubt he recognized my number seeing as I changed it. I guess I over analyze things a lot but that's just who I am. I really can't help it.

"Hey, Jake. It's me Zander. I just called to let you know I'm coming home and I want to talk to you when I get there. I have something really important to tell you" I said trying to get as much of what I had to say out without spilling the beans on what I was going to tell him.

"Okay, how long will it take you to get back?" he asked. I could almost hear his slight smile through the phone. It felt good to be the one making him smile again.

Maybe he would be happy to see me. Maybe things would all work out without four months of begging and hoping. Maybe our love really is true. But soon I'll know for certain and I can't wait. I have a good feeling about this. I'm on a permanent high and nothing can bring me down right now. But that's what always happens when I hear the sound of his voice. Everything just starts to look up and the world is perfect. How did I ever live without him?

"It will take about a week or two to get home from California. I have to go and start driving. I want to make it to the hotel tonight. I'll see you soon" I said trying to mask my excitement. But I was never really good at hiding my emotion when I was talking to him.

"See you" was all he said before I hung up the phone. I stared at it for a few minutes before snapping out of my trance. I can't believe I've gone this long without hearing his voice. I used to not be able to go a day without it. I guess I was just too focused on all the bad things in my life that I forgot about the little things that fill me with joy. If I learned anything from this it's that running away doesn't solve anything. Thinking and focusing on the little things in life that make you happy means everything.

I ran down to my car glad that I had just filled it with gas. That meant one less place to have to stop before I left. The less stops the better. I can't wait to get home to my Jake. It's been four months too long. Four months of no socializing, no love and heavy thinking. I won't make this trip longer than it has to be. I was meant to be in Alaska not California. I can't wait to just go home and get my life back. I can't wait to get Jake back.