Moving On (BoyxBoy) UNEDITED

Chapter Twenty five

Zander's POV

Darkness swirled around me, sometimes a sort of shape would come and visit me, it always had Jake's voice. But I knew it wasn't him because he killed himself, it was just something my brain created to torture me because I'm still alive even though I shouldn't be. I should be dead instead of someone as innocent and sweet as Jake. He deserved to live because he was pure as freshly fallen snow; I on the other hand was old moldy cheese. Yet somehow I couldn't manage to die, there was something keeping me here. Something was enjoying watching my pain.

I don't know how long I've been trapped in this blackness but I do know that I can't find a way out. But then again finding a way out might mean going back to the real world, the world where I can never hear Jake's voice again. Never see his face or hold him close, never get to tell him I love him or apologize about hurting him until he forgives me. it means never being able to find true happiness again, never know what it feels like to be happily in love without anything disturbing it. I had so much I had yet to experience but at the same time I knew I would never be able to experience it so living was pointless.

All living would do is make me think of what if and essentially would make me crazy not to mention depressed, lonely and possibly suicidal. Without Jake I was nothing, I was only half of who I used to be and that wasn't enough to get my through a whole life time. I couldn't wait that long to be with Jake again, provided that I didn't end up in hell well he was in heaven or that he didn't forget about me and move on.

If there wasn't love in my life then there was no point in me continuing to live. I mean sure you could say that there a thousands of other people I could fall in love with but the problem with that is that none of them are Jake. So I plan on staying in this darkness until I'm dead, here I can hear Jake's voice, hear his words of love. They are constantly going through my head and penetrating this darkness.

"I love you please Zander please come back to me, get out of the coma I need you here with me" His sobbing voice would taunt. There was no way out of here, I was trapped and Jake was alone and in pain, he needed me and once again I wasn't there. I should have been there to save him but I wasn't and I failed him not only as a lover but as a friend and as a human being. I let him die, it was my fault.

"Zander I know you can hear me, I don't know what's going through your head or even what kind of state you are in but you have to break out of it, you can't die. This is all my fault." His sobbing voice continued. His voice lied; I had to die to be with him. He had to know that since he himself wasn't alive me living would only get me farther away from him.

"Zander please you can't die, I won't let you." His voice went on pleading. The darkness around me thickened blinding me. It cut off his voice there was nothing left around me and I began to lose all my sense and my ability to think....