Hope Beacons (NaNoWrioMo 2015)

Chapter 13

Do you ever wake up screaming? Like you don't know why but you just do. You can breathe you try to but you can't. You are crying and you have the sense of panic that came out of nowhere. All you want to do is going back to sleep so you pull a blanket over your head and wish for the best.

It's dead in the middle of the night. Person you are with is asleep sure they are there...in the other bed they made but still you feel alone. You look around as if something was watching you but all you can see is darkness. Today is cloudy out, sleeping outside with no light is sometimes scary. Even the light from your friend didn't work.

That's when the noises start. They get allowed and it's something moving. But you know it's not a bear even though it sounds large...almost human. But there is that uneasy feeling. Like the one where you know something bad will happen. And you try best not to let that happen but you can't stop it at least you think so. So as the thing comes closer. You are frozen in the darkness. And your only lifeline can't really help you. You are helpless. You can't fix this; you can't save yourself no matter how hard you try. The thing wants to win and you are scared it will. So what do you do? Do you stay or run? Do you hide or fight?

Lucy didn't know what to do. She found herself awake. She felt panic and not safe. She went to wake up Sam but she couldn't move. She just couldn't. It's not that she could it's because she didn't want too. Most days she felt like giving up and it became every day thing. And it became part of her and she was used to it.

That scared her to death to tell the truth. She tried to tell Sam but all those thoughts about her being brother and that she wouldn't well she didn't matter. And through she told the truth and believed herself that everyone was beautiful and loved in their own way. She didn't believe that about herself.

Sam tried to help her but he didn't know what to say or do. Lucy was private person so she never told people what she was feeling but she used to. The girl she was years ago was not the same person she was now. I mean sure that was given. People change, they grow up and learn. But she learned in a different way and the negative thoughts stuck with her.

The words she was told were etched into her. Not her skin but her very soul. And during the darkness times when her soul was aching when she was screaming so loud but nobody heard her. At this time, she knew she was truly alone.

She took breathe and rubbed her eyes hearing the noise coming closer. It was taunting her like, "I know you're going to give up when you do I will be here" or the classic "You are truly alone in this world" which of close made her cry harder as she hugged herself tears streaming down her face as she tried to stay positive. But she was too tired to do that. Maybe it was time to give up.

She couldn't and she didn't want too but hey it seems easy enough.

She nibbled her lip hard and hugged her legs. She took a deep breath another one to calm her down and jumped hearing a noise almost right by her.

"LEAVE ME ALONE" she randomly shouted into the darkness at the same time she was trying told herself together. She got up off the ground and looked to whatever the noise was.

"I'M NOT GIVING UP RIGHT NOW SO YOU CAN GO AWAY" she shouted into the darkness. Surprising well not really Sam was still asleep and whatever was there she was guessing it was Senka went away and she was left to try to sleep. Which she thankfully didn't but it took a while.

She woke up and rubbed her eyes. Sam was still sleeping which gave her chance to gather herself well put herself together. Every morning she would pretend she was okay and sometimes Sam believed her but sometimes he notices. Lucy was trying and she thought maybe after this should be actor or something. But that was important. She had a job to get through this. She felt like giving up would let Senka win and she didn't want it to win.

She had to take it upon herself to be strong for little bit. It was going to be hard like the past view days was but she had to keep going. She had to keep fighting for well Sam and the person who commented on video. Her parents and yes even her brother who she kind of missed right now.

She couldn't believe she was thinking like that but oh well. She couldn't stop her thoughts even if she tired. Even if she thought of place she loved that she now hated sense the dreams. It didn't matter anyway. Nothing seem to matter to her anymore. She thought she was slowly losing herself into whatever. But best not let Sam see it she thought to herself and looked at Sam who was sleeping peacefully. He was so lucky he didn't have nightmares and that he had the light.

She was kind of jealous of him actually. He looked so freak in peaceful as if nothing was bothering him. She missed that feeling so much in fact that part of her ache to go back in time and hold on to the light. She after all still thought it was her fault. She got herself into this she had to get herself out of it.

Yes, she wanted to be alone. But alone for her right now wouldn't be the best. Senka she notices came to the time she felt alone. With or without people but they others don't notice. Maybe when it makes itself known for a while and people notice but then they forget and she is alone.

She wiped a tear going down her face and lean against tree still on her sleeping bag. She didn't notice Sam was awake or when he sat down next to her. He put arm around her pulling her into a hug. She was confused and didn't pull away but hugged him back. She notices the tears going down her face faster and held back a so as he rubbed her back.

"Lucy I know you don't like telling people...but you are hurting I can see it. I know I might notice a lot of things but I know whatever you are going through. You don't have to face it alone" he said softly handing her tissue he had in bag. Lucy took it and wiped her eyes not sure what to say yet.

"Please Lucy tell me the truth are you okay" he asked. Okay for that time that was all she needed. To someone to see through her lies. Not just ask if she was okay but to really actually mean it. And she knew that Sam did mean it. He looked at her with brown eyes that seem to have warmth. He smiled at her little, it was goofy smile making her want to laugh but she didn't. She couldn't laugh when she wasn't okay.

Lucy pulled away and looked at her hands which were playing with her necklace. She nibbled her lip staying quiet for a while and Sam wasn't sure she would say something. But She looked at him for moment and said two words "I'm scared" she admitted and it did feel good to say it out loud to someone.

"Why are you scared" Sam asked his arm still around her. Not in I like your way but as friendship. Sam and Lucy only saw each other as brother and sister not the other way. They were sort of friends well kind of.

"I want to give up" she whispered softly. You couldn't hear her, well you could if you were paying attention and close to her which Sam was. He looked at her worried and swallowed. He had feeling something was wrong and he tried to understand her. He tried to figure out what was wrong. And he didn't think it was bad. But it was. It was terrible place that Lucy was in. He didn't know he could help her. Maybe he couldn't...but her brother could He thought to himself.

"Lucy, you are strong and brave. Why would you ever think of giving up" he asked in soft tone. But you could tell he was worried and Lucy could tell that and felt weird that someone was actually worried about her.

"I'm not. I can't do this. I can't anymore I'm sorry but I'm not a fighter. I'm just Me Lucy, I'm nothing special, I'm not strong I can't be if I just want to give up "rubs her eyes and Sam texted Lucy's brother quick while she rubbed her eyes.

"Lucy, you can you can't just give up through. You have to fight for the light," he poked her trying to make her smile or something but she didn't smile. She didn't look at him. She just shook her head and Sam sighed.

"Senka wants to hurt me. Senka wants me to suffer and not find the light. Senka wants me to give up and maybe I'll do that at least he will stop. at least the thoughts would stop" she whispered and got up.

"Lucy Carr don't you dare say that" Sam got up kind of mad that she was saying this about herself and that she wanted whatever was bugging her let it win. That wasn't the Lucy her brother told him about.

"What if it's true" Lucy whispered and got up to leave.