Gotta Be You

What Are These Feelings

After my last period, I make my way over to the courtyard. I take my time, trying to make it look like I don't really care about my meeting with Niall, even though I did, I very much did. I was anxious to get there, to forgive him. I just wanted to be in his arms again, as cheesy as it sounds.

I look at my phone and see that it is 3:15 on the dot, I look out into the middle of the courtyard and see Niall.

I walk over to him trying to mask any expression I had on my face. I had to keep a poker face, it was hard to do with my heart racing and my palms sweating.

"K," Niall starts, "you came."

I just shrug my shoulders, pretending to be bored with the situation.

"I didn't actually think you'd come," he said softly.

I just stare at him silently, waiting for him to continue.

"You know because you've been ignoring my texts and calls," he says.

Silence.

"Look, K, you have to know how sorry I am. I honestly don't even know what I was thinking, I mean sure Mila is pretty," Niall says.

This is how he decides to apologize? By calling Mila pretty? I break my poker face and scowl at Niall.

"But, you're beautiful," Niall finishes, reaching for my hand.

I pull away. A look of hurt flashes across Niall's face, but I don't care because he hurt me a lot worse.

"That's seriously the best apology you could come up with?" I demand? "That was pathetic."

Niall looks shocked, but it quickly turns to anger.

"Well, maybe if you had read the messages I left for you, you'd understand how sorry I really am K!" Niall says, raising his voice.

"You know what you are just unbelievable!" I scream at him.

"Come on Kimberly! We all make mistakes, there's no need to hold a grudge, nobody's perfect!" Niall screams back.

"Nobody can be perfect, but you know what people can be?" I question, "Loyal!"

I turn around and march away, but Niall grabs my wrist.

"K, please," he says gently. "I really am sorry."

I turn around and see the sadness in his eyes and I know he really is sorry. I sigh.

"Niall, I think we need to take a break," I say softly, almost a whisper.

"What?" He asks quietly.

"I just think it'd be a good idea if we took a small break," I reply.

"Kimberly, no, I told you I'm so sorry and it will never happen again," he pleads.

"Niall," I say softly, "you already promised me that, and you broke that promise."

I slowly slide the beautiful promise ring Niall gave me after my birthday and place it in his hand.

"Kimberly wait, I know if I let you leave me now, I met never get you back. I can't let that happen, it will me sick to
see you with any other guy, please just give me one more chance," Niall says.

"Niall, I need a short break, we'll give a while and see how it goes, if it's meant to be, then we can be together again, but if it's not..." I trail off.

"Kimberly please, I can't lose you," he said.

"Well you should have thought about that before," I say softly before turning around and slowly walking to the student parking lot.

I slowly pull out and head to a small coffee shop near my house.

When I arrive, I head in and order my usual Caramel Frappé.

I look around for a seat and see Harry. He's leaned over on his phone.

I walk over to his table, he looks up at me and smiles.

When he smiles, his cute dimples pop out and I can't help but smile back.

"Can I take a seat?" I ask, unsure if he was here with someone.

He nods, "No, yeah, of course."

I nod in gratitude.

"So," I say awkwardly, unsure of what to say.

"So, you and Beverly," I say.

"Yeah, she's pretty cool," he responds.

"No she's not!" I spit. I quickly cover my mouth with my hand, shocked that I just said that.

"What?" Harry asks.

"I just mean, I don't really care for her," I say, shifting uncomfortably in my seat.

"What? Why not?" Harry questions.

"I dunno, I just don't," I say never meeting his eyes.

He raises an eyebrow.

"Okay, so maybe I feel like you could do better than someone like her," I say quietly.

"Really?" asks Harry, leaning over the table, closer to me, "and who do think I could do better with?"

I shrug my shoulders and pretend to be very interested in a loose thread in my jeans.

"You?" He asks.

My head shoots up and I my eyes lock with his. Those eyes, emerald green.

"Well, I mean, not necessarily," I start.

"Kimberly, we already tried, it didn't work out, you chose Niall," he says quietly, almost sadly.

"Niall and I broke up," I blurt. I don't even know why I said that, did I want to be with Harry? Was I seriously looking for a relationship after I just got of one? Or was I using my feelings for Harry as an excuse to breakup with Niall? I was so confused and conflicted.

Harry raises his eyebrow. He looks so cute when he does that.

"So would you want to go out with me?" Harry asks shyly.

"Harry, I..." I don't continue my sentence, I honestly don't know how to answer that.

"Kimberly, I like you, I really do, I always have and probably always will, but if you won't commit..., I just mean I'm not going to sit on the sidelines watching you date other guys until you break up and I become the rebound," Harry says gently but seriously.

"I just don't want you to date her," is all I reply.

"But you won't commit?" Harry asks.

"Harry," I say, softly, "I can't."

"Why not?" Harry asks, his eyes searching mine, looking for a reason.

But we both knew it was because even though I had feelings for Harry, my feelings for Niall were stronger. He hurt me, yet I never faltered in my feelings for him. This was the real thing, my feelings for him, these kinds of feelings don't just go away. This was love.